Page 86 of Your Pace or Mine
Jamie nodded. “It’s everything,” he mumbled, glaring at the pavement.
“Let’s start with the knee, then, ok? Everything else can come after.”
Darius pulled some kinesiology tape out of his vest. He’d been prepared for pretty much anything in this race. With it being hisfirst time pacing, he hadn’t wanted to miss something obvious. He took Jamie’s leg gently between his hands and started removing the old tape he must’ve done himself that morning. The joint felt okay, so he re-taped it gently, creating a criss-cross of lines around Jamie’s knee to stabilise it.
“Thank you,” Jamie mumbled. Darius chanced a smile at him, hands still resting on his thigh.
Jamie turned. “You can go now. I’ll be fine. Wouldn’t want you to have to be seen with me.”
“I’m not leaving, Jamie.”
Jamie looked even more dejected than before, if that was possible. “Why?” he asked. “That’s what you’re good at.”
Darius winced, but Jamie continued. “Why bother with me at all? You made your feelings pretty clear, Darius. I don’t need you here, I can sort myself out.”
Darius bit his lips. As much as it was good to hear Jamie have a modicum of self-belief, that hurt. He shifted back onto his heels, standing for just a moment, intending to sit next to Jamie on the kerb, though he wasn’t sure it would be welcome.
“I know you don’t need me, Jamie. But, I think, maybe, I might need you.”
He meant it. Being with Jamie had made him a better man. He was going to fix this if it was the last thing he did. Settling on the kerb, he turned to Jamie, who finally looked him in the eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Darius said. “I owe you so much more than just that, but I think it’s where I need to start. I know I hurt you, and that you think I look down on you. But Jamie, you are the strongest, most resilient, beautiful, charming man I’ve ever come across.”
“If you really think that, then why would you leave? Why wouldn’t you even listen to me?”
Darius shook his head. “I was angry and stressed, I’d just heard… well, it doesn’t matter. I should’ve ignored them, but I hurt you, and that is the last thing I ever wanted.”
Jamie sighed. “It’s not enough, though, Darius, can’t you see that?” he asked. “We’d never have said those things if we hadn’t meant them, maybe we’re just too different.”
Tears were falling freely down Jamie’s face now, and Darius knew he wasn’t far from crying himself. He wasn’t doing this right. Why couldn’t he find the right words to say to fix things?
Chapter 23
Jamie
17 miles into The London Marathon
It wasn’t enough.
Jamie wanted to forgive Darius. He did.
He wanted to go back to before any of this had happened and just lie cocooned in his ridiculous thread-count sheets. Jamie was crying openly now, even worse than he had been when he’d first sat down, giving up on the marathon just over halfway through.
He’d made a mistake taking off so quickly. Hardly shocking, really. But attempting to run a marathon at nearly twice his planned pace just to escape an ex was probably one for the books as far as idiotic moves went. Every injury he’d had in his life had come back to bite him. He could feel pain radiating through every pore, and all he could think of was how he’d failed, again.
And it was his fault.
Now Darius was here, as if summoned by Jamie’s darkest thoughts. And he was… lovely.
He was lovely, apologetic, and beautiful, and it wasn’t enough.
Jamie knew he was right. Darius wouldn’t have said what he had to Jamie if he hadn’t meant it. He didn’t say things he didn’t mean.
“I know. And I, I did mean it, Jamie,” he replied slowly, as if he was trying to weigh each word. Another pathetic sob broke free of Jamie’s throat.
“Great,” he choked out.
“I was upset, and it does bother me thinking of those people who took advantage of you. It makes me so fucking angry, Jamie.”
