Page 66 of Your Pace or Mine
“Like a performance?” Jamie asked gently.
“Exactly,” Darius nodded. “When I was at school, I hated how othering it felt. I didn’t fit in because I had all these extra duties and expectations. But then, even among other titled families, my family was just an exotic footnote in Debrett’s,” Darius continued. “I never wanted to represent anyone, deal with politics. All I wanted was to run. And running… it humbles you. The elite level isn’t like Oxford; it’s not just for people with every bit of gear and the most expensive coaches. It’s for people from all walks of life, people who started with nothing and made it on sheer talent. Sometimes it’s embarrassing to stand next to them, knowing I could never have done what they’ve done if I’d started where they did.”
Jamie tilted his head. “I don’t think it’s meant to work like that. You shouldn’t have to feel ashamed of where you came from. Nobody should. Privilege is what you do with it, not where it came from.”
“I think… maybe I haven’t done enough,” Darius admitted. “I’m still not. Everything I’ve done—the charity work these pastfew weeks—it was your idea. Not out of the goodness of my own heart.
Jamie smiled at him. “Does anyone truly do charity work without some kind of motive?”
“Cynical much?”
Jamie shrugged. “It’s true. Like, I started raising money to impress a producer. Mark is trying to show up some guy at his work. Chi’s raising money for cancer because they survived it as a child.”
Darius stopped dead. “I didn’t know that.” Darius thought he had been doing well, getting to know his group, but he realised he only knew the surface things. He promised himself there that he would do better.
“My point is, everyone has something motivating them, Darius. Maybe you could do more, now that you’ve realised. I know I want to.”
“The centre means a lot to you now, doesn’t it?” Darius asked.
Jamie nodded. “Yeah, just something about seeing those kids got to me, you know?”
“I know, me too.”
Darius felt completely raw. He clung to Jamie’s hand like a lifeline as they continued to walk. Finishing their stroll around the garden paths, they returned inside hand in hand. Darius navigated Jamie deftly through the maze of corridors, slowly winding their way through the house towards the East Wing, where the family quarters sat.
By the time they entered Darius’s room, Darius was overwhelmed by the need to touch Jamie again, to feel connected to him, or just to feel something other than wrung out. Jamie must have been feeling the same because they had barely shut the door behind them when their lips found each other. Clothing fell quickly around them as they raced to get their hands on as much skin as possible.
“I need to taste you, can I?” Darius asked as he kissed his way down Jamie’s throat.
“Fuck.” Jamie groaned. “Yes, I think I might need your mouth on me more than I need my next breath.”
Darius directed Jamie over to his childhood bed and knelt in front of him on the intricate Persian carpet that covered the oak floors of his room. He kissed the inside of Jamie’s thighs and spread his legs further before tracing his tongue up Jamie’s cock. He hummed as he swallowed him as deep as he could, and Jamie bucked involuntarily in his mouth.
He pulled out all the stops, focusing on nothing but Jamie, the timbre of Jamie’s moans guiding his motions. Jamie’s voice sounded wrecked as he gasped out a warning to Darius, but Darius just sealed his lips around Jamie’s shaft as his thrusts stuttered and his salty taste filled Darius’s mouth. His own release wasn’t far behind, spilling over his hand and marking the expensive rug beneath him.
They went to clean up together in the en-suite, and the gentle cleaning quickly turned more heated. Reluctantly, Darius pulled away, it was too bloody good, and at this rate, they wouldn’t be getting back to London before morning.
“Need to get back,” he whispered.
Jamie nodded. “I know, I know, I’m getting dressed, I swear.”
The clothes still piled on the floor ten minutes later, as Jamie lounged naked in Darius’s bed, said otherwise, but he was hardly going to call him on it. It was a great view.
Eventually, Darius pulled himself away and made quick work of locating a suitable dinner suit in his closet whilst a now-fully-dressed Jamie perused the rest of his wardrobe.
Being here always left Darius off-balance, but today more than ever. It was messing with his head how easily Jamie seemed to slot into every area of his life.
But he couldn’t get used to it.
With Jamie’s award show tomorrow night and the marathon just weeks away, he assumed the terms of their arrangement would fast come to an end. At best, he figured he could eke out an extra month of Jamie’s time before he’d want to stage an amicable separation and go on his way. The thought made Darius’s stomach roll.
He’d gone and done the one thing he absolutely shouldn’t have.
He’d fallen for him.
“Find everything?” Jamie asked from where he had buried himself in the walk-in closet.
Darius nodded. “I think so.”
