Page 55 of Your Pace or Mine
Jamie should have known.
He steeled his heart—this wasn’t real, it could never be. Darius just needed him for now. Well, if mind-blowing sex and the occasional public appearance were all Darius needed from him, fine. He was happy to oblige. He felt tears pooling in the corner of his eyes but willed them away.
Moments later, the bed shifted again, and Darius was gently wiping him down with a warm, damp cloth he must’ve found in the bathroom down the hall. Jamie’s heart lurched, and he quickly wiped his tears as he turned to face him.
“Hey, you.” He smiled at Darius, who pulled him tight to his chest. He felt nice, soft and cocooned in his bed like this.
“Hey, you,” Darius replied, placing a single kiss on Jamie’s shoulder.
It was early in the evening still, but Jamie couldn’t possibly leave the bed. He wanted to stay here with Darius forever, actually. That was feasible, right?
“Do you want to stay for dinner? We could order something?”
It sounded desperate, he knew it did.
“Sorry, I’ve got to get home. Early training.” Darius leaned in to kiss Jamie.
When he pulled away, Jamie had the distinct sensation of the stage lights coming up too soon, and he was still mid-step, exposed. “This was fun,” he said.
Darius tilted his head, a look in his eyes Jamie couldn’t read. “Yeah, fun,” he echoed distantly.
“We could do it again sometime?” Jamie asked. “I mean, I know you’re busy, but just, you know, since we won’t be seeing other people?”
He couldn’t bear the thought of Darius saying no, and when he saw the light dim in his eyes, he panicked. “Or not, if this is just a one-time thing, then that’s fine, I’m fine with that. Totally fine.”
Darius looked at him, and Jamie fidgeted with the duvet. “I know I’m probably not, you know, your type or whatever.”
“Oh yeah, totally not my type,” Darius replied, the strange look in his eyes giving way to a bemused expression that left Jamie confused.
“So you don’t want to?” Jamie asked, his heart shattering into pieces on the floor.
“Jamie, that was fucking brilliant. Of course I do,” Darius replied. “Like you said, fake boyfriends with benefits, right?”
Jamie nodded and surged forward again, pulling a now fully dressed Darius into a filthy kiss before letting him walk out the door. Benefits, yeah. That was fine. He could handle this. He just needed to make sure to keep feelings out of it; he wasn’t going to let himself get hurt again.
Cressida was sitting in the mid-morning sun, dark sunglasses covering her eyes as she nursed a cappuccino. Jamie arrived ten minutes late; it was a habit he was genuinely trying to break. She got up and gave him two air kisses.
“I ordered you a mocha, it’ll be over in a bit.”
“Thank God, I can’t even describe to you how badly I need the chocolate hit right now,” Jamie whinged.
Cressida grinned. “I remembered from tech week: Jamie sans chocolate is a bad idea,” she teased. “I’ve missed you. It was so weird going from seeing everyone like twelve hours a day to zero.”
Jamie nodded. “You get used to it.”
“I guess,” she replied. “I know you’ve been at this longer than me, old man.”
“Yeah, you can tell because you’ve still got that ingénue light in your eyes.”
“Oh, fuck off,” she replied, the clipped vowels of her perfect received pronunciation made Jamie laugh, and think of Darius.
“So, I saw an interesting article the other day,” Cressida said.
“I’m sure I’ve no idea what you’re talking about,” Jamie tried.
Cressida flicked her long blonde hair over her shoulder. “So, you’re not dating London’s most eligible bachelor then?”
Jamie sighed. “It’s complicated, but no judgement, right?”
