Page 13 of #MeToo
Billie was doing her best to remember all the baby paraphernalia she needed for the day while trying to drown out her mum’s voice which was seriously grating on her. The only thing that prevented Billie from snapping and telling Claudia to ‘shut the fuck up’ were the big brown eyes of her daughter, who was watching every move from her bouncy chair. As she stuffed a few extra nappies into her baby-bag and checked it over one last time, Billie sucked in air then exhaled, giving Iris a cheeky wink which always made her smile.
‘I just wish you’d reconsider… take a couple more days to think it through, that’s all I’m asking.’
‘I have thought it through, in fact I’m going mad from the sheer mind-boggling enormity of the whole situation so, please Mum, give me a break, that’s allI’masking.’ Billie bent down and unfastened Iris from her chair and hoisted her upwards. ‘Right, I’m off. Dad, are you ready? I need to get going.’ Billie raised her voice and heard a hint of temper, maybe panic, so swallowed it down as she listened to her mum give it one last shot.
‘You do realise that once you’ve done this there is no going back and God only knows what trouble it could cause. You’ll be tied to Stan and his family forever and there’ll be no more running away. You can kiss your idyllic island goodbye, too, because he’ll probably take you to court and get a restraining order or something, you know, to stop you from travelling abroad.’ Claudia blocked the doorway and locked eyes with her daughter.
‘Surely you’d be glad of that. It’ll suit you down to the ground to have your granddaughter close by, another child to boss about and drive half mad with your never-ending bloody rules and regulations. Now move out of my way! I mean it, Mum.’ Billie glared at Claudia, furious with herself for losing her temper and swearing in front of Iris.
She could see that her mum was fighting her own inner battle. It was a scene they’d played out hundreds of times over the years but the timely arrival of her dad broke the impasse and Claudia stepped to one side.
‘When will you be back?’ Claudia sounded sullen.
‘No idea, I’ll text you later.’ Billie sounded impatient.
‘Let me know you’ve arrived at Sue’s, though.’
Billie puffed out her annoyance especially at her mum’s mardy tone. She never changed. In a very exasperated way that she hoped would indicate how bored she was of the whole conversation, Billie replied, ‘Yes, I’ll text you. Come on, Dad, I’m going to miss the train if we don’t get a move on.’ And with that she allowed Claudia to kiss Iris goodbye, before marching down the hall.
Once they were all strapped into the car and off the drive, Billie began to relax slightly. There was still her dad to deal with, but he was a pussycat compared to the velociraptor who was now staring out of the window, arms folded across her chest. Billie knew exactly what her dad was going to say so before he opened his tight lips, she nipped his peace-making speech in the bud.
‘Don’t say it, Dad… that she means well and has my best interest at heart because I’ve heard it all before and it won’t wash. Mum only ever thinks of number one and manipulates everyone and everything to suit herself. And you know it’s true, otherwise you’d be living in sunny Portugal by a golf course, not in a remote village on the edge of the moors of death and doom. Can you see the ninth hole from here? No, thought not. I rest my case.’ Billie’s voice was laced with sarcasm and thinly-veiled fury as she raged on.
‘Why can’t she support me, just this once, over ahugeand blood–bloomingimportant thing like this? I ask you, is it so difficult to see that I have to think of Iris, and Sue and Darren too? It’s not always about her. Aargh, she makes me so flipping mad.’ Sometimes it almost killed Billie not to swear in front of Iris even though it was unlikely she’d repeat it. She hadn’t even said ‘Mum’ yet, but then again, knowing her luck, her daughter’s first word would be an expletive. Claudia the controller would love that.
Billie could feel a sulk settling on her until she felt her dad pat her on the knee. Out of earshot of the velociraptor, he took his daughter’s side. ‘Well, if you must know, I was going to say that I think you’re doing the right thing and I will support you all the way. Why do you think your mum is so wound up?’ Mike looked at Billie who shrugged and stared straight ahead, channelling her teenage years.
‘Because I told her last night that I agree with you and she needs to back off. It didn’t go down well so now she’s doing her “one woman against the world” routine.’ Mike slowed the car and pulled into the station behind a queue of cars in the drop-off zone.
At her dad’s words Billie was overcome by a rush of gratitude and no small measure of admiration. Smiling at last, she nudged his arm. ‘Thanks, Dad, that means a lot, in many ways.’
‘Look, I can’t say I’m happy with Stan for the obvious reasons but before… you know… what happened, I always liked the lad. So if there’s any way you can help him prove his innocence or help him through his sentence, then I’m behind you one hundred per cent. Okay?’
‘Okay.’ Billie leant over and planted a kiss on her dad’s cheek. ‘Look, there’s a space. Pull in quick and I’ll get the pram out.’ And with that, Billie’s mind focused on unloading the car and not missing her train.
At least her dad was on her side and his words had settled her nerves because Claudia had been just the first hurdle of the day. The next would be explaining to Sue and Darren all about Iris and why it had taken her almost a year to tell them – and then Stan – that they had a new family member.
12
Iris was fast asleep in her pushchair when the train pulled into the small suburban station and for a moment Billie wished she was awake so she could tell her daughter all about Fairfield and where she’d gone to school, and the places she’d hung out when she should have been in lessons. It was a fifteen-minute walk to Sue’s house and Billie used the time wisely to go over what she was going to say when she arrived. That would just be the start of it, though, because once she’d told Sue, she would have to find a way to tell Stan and – to be honest – that was her main concern. How can you tell someone something as momentous as this when they are surrounded by other prisoners and their families? Should she write to him first, send him some photos and a letter, explaining things step by step, or take Iris in, on the next visiting day and say, ‘Ta-dah, surprise’?
This is what her mother didn’t give Billie any credit for. Actually, her mum hadn’t the humility or headspace to even consider what Billie was going through, let alone the hours and hours she’d agonised over the Stan situation.
Turning the corner into the quiet cul-de-sac, Billie made her way to number nine and hoped she’d make it up the driveway before Sue spotted her. Iris was stirring now and would soon be wide awake which was perfect. Billie had planned the scene carefully but it was the black Range Rover parked on the drive that immediately threw her into disarray. Her brain was befuddled by snapshots from the past and for a split second she had the stomach-churning notion that Stan might be inside. Billie understood how Sue must feel every time she looked out of the window and saw her son’s precious car. Swallowing down her nerves and sucking in air, Billie shook off the image of them in the showroom, the day they collected Stan’s shiny, spanking new car. Instead, she manoeuvred Iris alongside then parked the pushchair where it was hidden from view by the porch.
Watched intently by Iris, whose dummy was bobbing up and down, Billie rang the bell and opened the porch door, stepping inside onto the mat. As she expected, Sue appeared through the glass almost instantly, obviously on pins and waiting for her arrival. When the door swung open Billie masked her shock at Sue’s appearance with cries of ‘Hello’ and ‘I’ve missed you’, and during their embrace held in tears as she hugged the skeletal frame. Darren hovered behind, taller and ganglier than she remembered, still shy but he reciprocated when Billie rushed forward and squeezed him tight, too.
‘Come in, come in, it’s chilly out and I bet you need a brew. Darren, go and flick the kettle on while I get Billie inside.’ Sue was clinging on tightly to Billie’s hand.
‘I’d love a brew but before you dash off, Darren, stay there because I’ve brought you a little surprise from Greece… two ticks, don’t move.’ Billie stepped backwards; her palms held up to signal they should wait then quickly bent down and unfastened Iris who was hugging her teddy, totally oblivious to her upcoming starring role.
Carrying Iris into the porch, they were met by two understandably surprised faces who looked at each other in bemusement, then back to Billie who blurted it out. ‘There’s no other way to tell you this, so here goes. Say hello to Iris… your granddaughter and niece, Stan’s little girl. Iris, say hello to your granny Sue and Uncle Darren.’ Billie took Iris’s chubby hand and waved it, causing her daughter to chortle, as Sue’s face crumpled, her hand shaking as it covered her mouth, holding in a sob.
It was Darren who recovered first and broke the spell. ‘No way! No way! That’s ace. Hi, Iris.’ He stepped forward and jiggled her hand, blushing slightly but smiling like his face would split.
Sue had regained some composure and although her voice sounded wobbly and her eyes spilt tears, she reached forward, looking to Billie for permission then took her granddaughter in her arms. ‘Oh Iris, you are so beautiful and such a wonderful surprise. I’m so happy to see you, my darling, just so happy.’ As Sue hugged Iris, Darren placed his arm around her shoulders and guided her towards the lounge, winking at Billie who then signalled she was getting her things.
After grabbing her baby-bag and folding down the pushchair which she dragged inside the porch, Billie closed the front door and followed the sounds of a cooing granny. That was the fun, special part done with. Now all she had to do was explain why it had taken all this time to get here.
