Page 131 of The Dark Mage
Her jaw tightened as shock and jealousy rippled throughher.
“I’ll explain as best I can,” he continued, his voice heavy with regret.“But first, I need you to know that I was a different man then.I’m not proud of this part of my story, and I’ll be atoning for it for the rest of mylife.
“I was sent to Lissea by my—” he hesitated “—by the leader of my regiment.The empire wanted her as an ally, and because I was both powered and a trained soldier, I was deemed the perfect choice to turn her.I traveled south into her territory alone.
“I told her the emperor wanted an alliance and that I was her gift.I showed her my magic, and she was snared.”His fingers tightened around his glass.“We slept together.She wanted my power, so I worked for her.Over time, I brought her six druids, three berserkers, and two wights.
“The wights turned for her.”His voice cracked.“The othernine…”
He swallowedhard.
“I watched her torture them to death to see how their magic responded topain.”
Ren’wyn inhaled sharply.
Fael stared down at the deep red wine in his glass, his hands trembling.Sweat beaded along his hairline.
“I still remember each one—their names, their ages, their final screams.”
Ren’wyn reached out, touching his arm gently.
“Take a drink, Fael,” she urged softly.
He obeyed, taking a deep breath before continuing.
“I didn’t do the torturing myself, but I might as well have—I delivered them to her.”His voice was hoarse.“In the end, I gave myself to her completely, but she refused an alliance.She enjoyed her games too much.We parted on good terms, and I promised to return to entertainher.
“Ren’wyn, I was a devoted imperial soldier.”His voice dropped lower, rougher.“Those weren’t the only lives I took while serving the empire.Thinking about it now makes mesick.
“I will never be free of what I’ve done, and I don’t deserve you or your love.”He exhaled shakily.“If you want a different room for the night—or if you can’t bear to stay with me—I’ll understand.”
By the end, his voice was strained, thick with anguish.
Ren’wyn sipped her wine, gaze steady as Fael struggled to calm his breathing.
“I don’t think now—and I have never thought—you were evil, Fael,” she said at last, her tone sure.“Everything I’ve known about you while we’ve been together has been honorable and just.Has any of that been alie?”
“No,” Fael said immediately.“No, I’ve only ever been myself with you.And I want to be honest, though telling you this hurts.”
Ren’wyn nodded thoughtfully.“I didn’t think it was anact.
“Fael, we all have darkness haunting us—even shades are haunted by their past lives.I don’t for one second believe you’re anything but a goodman.
“This part of your journey is awful,” she admitted, voice faltering briefly, “but I know who you are.I’m not afraid, nor do I hate you.I forgive you for what you clearly regret.I forgive you, and I love you.You can tell me about the dark parts, Fael.I can help you carry them—just as you’ve helped carry me.”
She took his hands.
Tears spilled from hiseyes.
“Gods, Ren, I don’t deservethat.”
“Forgiveness is a gift, Fael,” she whispered.“It’s free.Forgiving yourself will be harder.”She leaned in, pressing her forehead to his.“I’m not afraid to travel that path withyou.”
Tears streamed down his face as he grabbed the base of her head, tilting her face up so he could kiss her.It was long, deep, and slow—an exhale of grief, relief, and need.His other hand found the small of her back, anchoring her tohim.
Ren’wyn wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer, her fingers curling into his shirt.
When he finally stopped, gasping and wiping his tears, he gave a rough laugh.
