Page 107 of The Dark Mage
Eventually, she hauled herself out of the stream and changed into the spare gray clothes from her pack.Quickly scrubbing her purple dress, she wrung it out and hung it to dry with the others.
She twisted her thick hair into a loose knot, tying it with a strip of linen, and walked back intocamp.
Avoiding everyone’s eyes, she slipped into hertent.
Sitting on the edge of her cot with her head in her hands, she took stock of herself.Her head ached, her stomach growled, and her thoughts were so jumbled she feared she might still come apart.
The cot’s welcome embrace pulled her down, and she stretched out, closing hereyes.
“Ren’wyn?”Fael’s strangled voice broke through the silence.
She sat up as he rushed in, stopping just short of touching her, concern etched into every line of hisface.
“Are you all right?You’ve been gone half the day, and no one knew where youwere.”
“I’m fine,” she muttered, staring at her hands.“I got lost on the way back.I’m an idiot.I walked without thinking because I was angry.”
Fael sucked in a sharp breath, pressing his fingers to his brow.Then, with a heavy sigh, he dropped to his knees.“I’m so glad you’re all right.I was worried.”His hand hovered uncertainly.“Can I holdyou?”
Seeing him kneeling there, so vulnerable, she reached for him without hesitation.
Fael exhaled long and low as he moved between her knees, resting his head gently over her heart.
“Are you angry with me?”he asked softly.
“No, Fael,” she said, her voice soothing.“I’m not angry withyou.”
“Will you talk to me, Ren’wyn?”he asked.“Will you tell me what you’re feeling?”
She nodded, leaning forward to press a kiss to his hair.The familiar scent of stone and smoke grounded her, though her words trembled when she finally spoke.
“I’m small, Fael.I’ve never felt like I’m anything special.To have so much pressure, so many expectations—it’s overwhelming.I don’t see how I can do this right.I can’t lead people or make things better.I’m not enough.”
His fingers danced over her spine, slow and soft.If only the two of them could stay here, in this moment, with no expectations or responsibilities.But the world surged in, and weariness crept overher.
“I don’t think there is a right way, Ren’wyn,” Fael murmured at last.“And I don’t think you give yourself enough credit.I don’t know what you’ve been told, but I am amazed byyou.”
His left hand caught a stray lock of her hair that had slipped free in the humid air, tucking it carefully behind herear.
“No one can force you to be something you’re not.They can try, but you won’t change for anyone but yourself.And I won’t stand for it, either.”
He paused, his voice steady and full of conviction.“I think you might be exactly what this world needs.You’re not grasping for power.You care for others.Your heart is full of respect and kindness.You think you’re not good enough—that you’re not enough—but no one is perfect, Ren’wyn.No one does everything right.
“If I promise to walk with you and carry this with you, would you try?Could we try together?I won’t force you,” Fael said softly, devotion glinting in his eyes as he held herface.
Her tears began to fall, and she bowed forward until their foreheads touched.As she wept harder, Fael pulled her into his lap.He didn’t speak or ask anything of her, simply letting her cry as she sorted through her emotions.
“Fael,” she groaned when the tears finally subsided.Her head ached fiercely from the heat, the long walk, too little water, and too many tears.“I’ve only ever felt like I’m not enough.The only place I’ve never been a disappointment is in my magic, and I pressed that down deep so no one would see it.I’m afraid to walk a path where so much is expected of me.I’m afraid tofail.”
“You will fail,” Fael said with a shrug.“I’ve failed.Goodness knows I’ve failed.Look at Esrin—he couldn’t save you, but you understand why now.His failure brought us together, and I wouldn’t change that for anything.
“I failed to save Lia and Sorya on my own, and they’ll bear those scars for the rest of their lives because of it.You can’t expect yourself to never fail, mylove.”
His words soothed her as he held her face, his thumb brushing back and forth against her damp cheek, wiping away the last of her tears.
She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his.His arms wrapped around her securely, and she slid her hands along his shoulders and into his hair, curling her fingers into its softness.He had called hermy love, and her heart ached with pleasure.
“I’m so tired,” she admitted.“But if you walk beside me, I’ll try to be open to what all of this couldmean.”
