Page 32 of Don't Go Breaking My Heart
I never give her enough credit for being this insightful…
Me: Nova. I just walked in on Turner MASTURBATING and I will never get those last few seconds of my life back. To say I am horrified is BEYOND an understatement. I am so embarrassed I want to cry.
Nova: Oh shit….
Nova: But also: Was it hot?
Me: YES. OBVIOUSLY. Have you SEEN that man? I swear to god, I didn’t know where to look.
Nova: OMG you came home and he immediately went into his room to jerk-off??? He totally wanted to bang you.
Me: Somehow I doubt that.
Nova: Start from the beginning. You get home tonight, go inside, and then….
Me: He goes to his room, I go to mine. But I felt like we were both hanging back? So after about ten minutes, I threw on some sweatpants, got a bottle of wine, and was going to see if he wanted to—I don’t know. Talk and drink?
Nova: …and then…????
Me: And then… Instead of KNOCKING like a NORMAL human with MANNERS, I said ‘knock knock’ then opened his door. And he was in the middle of his bed jerking off.
Nova: Holy. SHIT.
Me: I KNOW. That’s exactly what I said.
Me: But now I want to die.
Nova: No. Now you’re EVEN.
Nova: He saw you in a bra and underwear. You saw his junk—that makes you even.
I hadn’t thought of it that way. I suppose she has a point, but still. It was such an invasion of privacy.
Nova: Did he SEE you?
Me: I think so? He had to have heard me—I literally shouted OH MY GOD before slamming the door.
Me: Now I’m locked in my own bedroom, hiding.
Nova: LOL
Me: What am I supposed to say to him in the morning???
Nova: In my opinion? Nothing.
Nova: You say NOTHING.
turner
. . .
Click.
Snap.
I place the brown block, snapping it into place.
I sigh, stare at the little instruction booklet spread out on the dining room table and try not to think about the fact that last night I was balls-deep in fucking myself with my right hand when Poppy walked in.
