Page 75 of Bad for Business
“That night…” I shake my head as I try to put this into words. My thumb traces over her cheekbone as I keep thinking. “I’ve never felt a connection in my life like that. You didn’t know it, but you were healing a small part of me. I was smiling—laughing—for the first time since Mom died. It was the first time I felt that maybe my life could go on without her.”
“I felt the connection too,” Camille offers. She presses her forehead to mine, the two of us not saying anything for a moment as we just breathe each other in and soak in the moment.
I wonder if she can feel the shaky breath I take in. There’s something I want to ask her. Something that’s been on my mind for months now. I’ve just been too scared of the answer, but I can’t resist asking it any longer. I have to know. “Why did you leave in the morning, then? I don’t understand… If you felt the connection too, then why were you gone?”
Camille’s head rears back slightly. Her eyes dart over my face in confusion. “What do you mean? I woke up, andyouwere gone. I was all alone. I thought there was a connection too, but when you were nowhere to be found, I figured I was the only one who felt it.”
I shake my head. “No. I felt it. I left that morning to go get you breakfast. There was a bakery not too far from my place that was my mom’s favorite. Every New Year’s Day, they’d have this wildly outrageous donut to celebrate the start of the new year. It was a tradition for us to stand in line and get it every year. I woke up next to you so incredibly happy that all I could think about was sharing that tradition with you. I left a note on the pillow telling you I’d be right back. When I got back and you were gone, I?—”
“You left a note?” she asks, her voice shaking. She stares at me wide-eyed in disbelief. “I didn’t see one, and honestly, I think I was so hurt that I let you in and you were gone that I didn’t even think about looking for one. I left in a hurry, thinking you’d want me gone as soon as possible…”
My grip on her face tightens as I pull her forehead against mine again. “Not at all. I had all these plans about what we’d dofor the day. Fuck, Cami, I know I only knew you a day, but all I wanted to do was make more plans with you.”
I swear her shoulders sag with relief. “You always hate on my plans,” she teases.
Her comment makes me laugh. “I only hated your plans because I hate that you left that morning and decided to go about your life making plans that didn’t involve me.”
“All this time, we were upset with each other for something that was just a misunderstanding.” She shakes her head as if she can’t believe it.
I can’t believe it either, but then again, back then, I was in such a bad headspace that I immediately jumped to the worst conclusions.
“We can’t change it now.”
She shifts her weight a little, her gaze never wavering from mine. “I’m sorry for all the times I lashed out at you. I just…I’m not good at being vulnerable, and I was for you that night, and…” Her voice drifts off again as she thinks through her words. I give her all the time she needs. I know it’s hard for her to say things like this, so I don’t push her at all. “And when I woke up alone and thought you didn’t like me, it strengthened a fear I didn’t even realize I had.”
“And what is that?”
“That even after letting someone in, no one could ever like me…let alone love me.”
Her words break open something inside me, and I can’t help but lean in and trap her mouth with mine, giving everything I have into kissing her.
But in reality, I’m just buying myself time.
Time to tell her what I think she needs to hear—the truth about how I feel.
THIRTY-EIGHT
CAMILLE
The way Rykerkisses me right now will forever be burned in my mind. It’s passion and heat and so many things that I can’t even describe.
It’s perfect.
He kisses me in a way that steals my heart. It doesn’t feel casual; it feels like a promise.
He pulls away, but his grip on either side of my face stays strong. “The easiest thing I’ve ever done is like you, Cami. Even when I thought I hated you, I liked you.”
My eyes burn so badly that I have to close my eyes to avoid the pain. I don’t want to cry. I shouldn’t cry. His words are sweet and everything I need to hear. It’s just that I didn’t realize how badly I needed to hear them until he said them out loud. I know that to anyone else, his words might not even matter, but to me, they mean everything.
I’m not known to be the most likable person. People don’t gravitate toward me the way they do Ryker, or Jude, or Emma. I’m not liked, but all I want is for someone to see me for who I am and still like me…still choose to stay.
“Look at me,” he commands. His voice is so thick with emotion that the words come out raspy.
I open my eyes, hoping he can’t tell that my eyes sting with unshed tears.
“I’m sorry that you’ve met people in your life who made you feel like you’re unlikable, but that’s the furthest thing from the truth. And if you’ll keep letting me in, if you don’t run the moment you get scared, then I’ll keep proving to you how much I mean it.”
“Ryker.” His name is said desperately, almost like a plea. I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t want him to say anything he’ll regret or want to take back.
