Page 28 of Loss and Damages
Becca laughs. “Your boobs can’t handle an empire waist.”
Shooting Becca a dirty look, I tell Tara, “We should have gone next door.”
“Here, stop being snarky for a second. This just came in and I was going to make a window display out of it, but I think it will look fantastic on you.” Becca disappears into the back and comes out holding a frothy black and champagne tulle and lace dress. “Try this on. It’s just your size and it’ll be perfect.”
I know it will be before I even try it on. Tara zips the hidden zipper along my ribs, and the dress settles onto my body like it was made for me. The bodice tucks my boobs in and dips low enough to show off just the right amount of cleavage.
“Wow, Jemma. You look amazing. Don’t have many chances to wear a dress like this, huh?” Tara admires my reflection in the mirror. No, we don’t dress up like this very often, and I’m not sad about it. This is the kind of life I never wanted. It’s fun to play Cinderella, and that’s exactly who I’ll be when Dominic’s car drops me off at the end of the night, except I’ll be keeping my heels on my feet. I’m determined this will be the last time we seeeach other. I need to move on, and I need to do it before Dominic leeches Leo’s secret out of me...and maybe something more.
“I think it’ll work.”
“How much is it?”
“I don’t know. There’s a tag under my arm.”
She reaches for the tag and gasps. “Five hundred dollars.”
“That’s not so bad,” I say, but I don’t sound like I believe it. Five hundred dollars for a dress I’m going to wear once. I sigh. Maybe I can sell it online and get most of my money back. I don’t need to keep it.
“You don’t have to go.”
“I want to look in the three-way mirror,” I say, opening the fitting room door. “I feel like I owe it to Leo. I didn’t say anything to his mother at the wake, and I want to tell her I’m sorry for her loss.”
“You wouldn’t be going if Dominic wouldn’t have asked you to go.”
She twists my hair into a bun and fastens a hair elastic around it to keep it in place.
“Move it lower,” I say.
She does, and I’ve never looked more sophisticated. The dress and bun are exactly what I need for tonight.
When I don’t answer, she nudges my shoulder.
“I don’t know, Tara. There was something about him yesterday when he asked, but I told him this would be it, and I meant it. I need to paint more pieces for the gallery, mow my yard, weed my garden, and do everything else I’ve been neglecting since I heard about Leo’s accident. I have to try to put it behind me, but I miss him so much.” My vision wavers, but the tears don’t fall. I cried all that I’m going to cry while Dominic held me in the field yesterday. Leo wouldn’t want me to wither away because something happened. One of the best things abouthim was his love of life, and he wouldn’t want me to lose mine because he’s gone.
“I know, honey,” Tara says, giving me a hug. “Next Saturday, ask Ashley to cover for you and we’ll spend the day in the city. We’ll ask your mom to come and do some shopping and have lunch out. For the past year, your world has just been art and Leo. You need to let others in now, okay?”
“Yeah, you’re right. It was a happy little bubble.”
“If you stay in it by yourself, you’ll get terribly lonely.”
“I know.”
“Do you need shoes?”
I look down at my bare feet. I could use a pedicure, but a couple quick strokes of nail polish will be all I’ll have time for. “I have heels that’ll work. I don’t want to spend any more money on tonight.”
“I hope it’s worth it, Jemma. The Milanos...I know you and Jeremy were joking the night of Leo’s wake, but they’re dangerous and Dominic’s into some stuff I wouldn’t want to be associated with. No one can say one nice thing about him in the news.”
That’s something that’s been bothering me. Leo hated what his brother is mixed up in. Couldn’t stand the way Dominic and his father did business. I saw the hard-nosed asshole Dominic can be, pinning me with a hateful stare and calling me a gold digger, not understanding what my relationship with his brother was, but I also saw a man mourning, trying to find an explanation. The juxtaposition is confusing and it’s tempting to want to draw out the hurt, grieving part of the man and ignore the rest.
It’s not possible, or Leo would have done it.
“I know. He’s not Leo. You don’t have to remind me. Help me change so we can leave. I want to check in with Ashley before I get dressed and the car picks me up.”
I pay Becca, imagining my credit card whimpering as she runs the total. I should have accepted Dominic’s offer, but I don’t want to be indebted to him for anything. I can afford the dress, though the price would have been easier to pay if I knew I could wear it other places. Maybe Dominic and the fundraiser will be worth it, but I doubt it.
Tara drives back to the city around six, leaving me alone, my hair done, my makeup applied, the dress’s hem floating delicately around my ankles. My heels give me three more inches, but they still won’t elevate me to the height I need to look Dominic in the eyes.
