Page 65 of Loss and Damages
Tightening his grip on me, he snaps, “You mean something to me, too, and you scared the fuck out of me.”
He walks up the porch stairs to my cottage and opens the door. Carefully, as if I’m as easily broken like the glass that’s scattered on the floor of my gallery, he sets me on a barstool. He rounds the counter and impatiently digs around in my kitchen looking for coffee.
I tell him, “Above the microwave,” before he explodes.
Tamping back his anger, his movements rigid, he starts a pot brewing. He steps between my legs and cradles my face between his shaking hands.
Electricity sizzles between us, and longing stirs in my belly.
A tender look crosses his face. Sadness and pain and love, and resignation. “I can’t fall in love with you. My life is too complicated to have a woman in it, and I’ll never want to give her children.”
“I don’t understand,” I say, grabbing his wrists, my skin burning beneath the bandages. “The night we made love, you said you wanted to be a part of my life. What happened? When did that change? Why? Because I had plans and couldn’t go out with you last night?”
He scowls. “Of course not. I’m not a kid who can’t take no for an answer. Jemma...I thought I could make room. I want to make room for you. But...I can’t.”
Call me naïve, but I thought Athena was wrong. I thought if Dominic met the right woman he’d put his business aside, but either I’m not the right woman or his mother knows him better than I do.
“I need to tell you one thing and then you should go. I told you I don’t sleep around and I’m not going to let you screw me one minute and then tell me in the next you don’t want me. If you can’t find a place, I’m not going to beg for scraps.”
He nods and lets his hands drop from my face. “What is it?”
“Leo didn’t come here looking for a gift. He found out online I sell artwork on commission and asked if I would consider selling his paintings. After I looked at one, I agreed, and we became friends. He started using my workshop to paint and we kept each other company. We were friends, business partners, I suppose, if you want to get technical. We enjoyed spending time together. I don’t know why he never spent the night, except maybe he thought that was more than what he considered our friendship to be. There. Now you know the entire truth.”
Dominic didn’t stop staring at me the entire time I spoke, but a veil dropped over his features and suddenly we’re no more toeach other than the first day he came by the gallery. “Leo didn’t paint. I don’t believe you.”
“Don’t believe me. I don’t care. But look at that painting, there. I asked him to do it for me. It has his initials in the corner. He didn’t sign his full name because he wanted to sell his work based on his talent, not because of who he was.”
He walks to the painting hanging opposite my couch and studies the LAM in the corner. I know now his middle name is the first name of Athena’s lover...and his father. It was her way of tying her family together.
“He was good.”
“Yes, he was.”
“You weren’t going to tell me.” It’s not a question, but I answer it anyway.
“Leo asked me not to say anything to anyone, but he’s gone and I don’t think he meant for me to keep his promise after his death. I’ll box up the remainder of the paintings and I’ll fix the ones that were damaged tonight. Text me an address and I’ll send a courier when they’re ready.”
“Thank you.” He steps toward the door, but he stops. Hesitates. He doesn’t want to leave, but if he’s closed himself off to the possibility of a relationship with me, there’s no reason for him to stay.
“I could have loved you. Another kiss, another promise. The way you hold me, the way you say my name. I was so close, Dominic. So close.”
He rakes his fingers through his hair and gives in, steps in my direction and pauses in front of me. “You don’t understand.”
“I don’t understand what? That you work for your father’s love because you don’t have your mother’s? When does it end? How far do you have to go to earn his approval? Did you pop a bottle of champagne when you told him the purchase of the 1100 block went through? Did he slap you on the back, or was it justa look between you? The way you look at me and no words are needed?”
“You have no idea what you’re saying.”
I’m tired and my hands hurt. My knees ache, and my heart feels like it’s about to burst. He paled with every word I said and now he looks like a ghost, empty. “I know exactly what I’m saying. What thefuckdo you think your mother told me at the fundraiser?”
He lifts me up, his hands under my arms, and crushes his mouth to mine. That’s what I’ve wanted, this is what I need. He doesn’t let himself feel, always so cold, so heartless, and I need to break down his walls, even if it tears me apart, like Leo’s secret.
I wrap my legs around his waist and he carries me to the bedroom where he tosses me onto the bed. I don’t cower, not even when he advances and wedges his knee between my legs.
He stares at the blood staining my pajamas and swallows, but it doesn’t stop him from yanking my shorts and panties down my legs or ripping my tank top off and throwing it onto the floor. I’m so wet, so ready. I need him, and instinctively, I draw my knees up, exposing myself, inviting him in.
Without wasting a second, he yanks off his own shirt, the buttons popping, and rids himself of his pants and boxer briefs faster than he stripped me. “I want you bare,” he growls, his body over mine, his fingertips sinking into my flesh.
I don’t care. I don’t care about the consequences, and I say it aloud, “Yes, yes.”
