Page 90 of Best In Class
She’s doing it now.
After a bite of cobbler and a sip of coffee, I clear my throat. “I want to marry her.”
She doesn’t look surprised. Not even a little.
“Want to or going to?”
“Going to,” I amend.
“Good.” She smiles now.
“I want it all, Mama. The life. The house. Maybe kids, if she wants them. I want Sunday mornings, sleepy eyes, and bickering over throw pillows. I want her.All of her.”
Mama sets her coffee down, and presses her fingers to her lips. And then she starts to cry—quiet, steady tears that track down her cheeks, and she’s in no rush to stop.
“Mama—”
“I’m fine,” she says, waving me off with one hand, wiping her tears with another. “I’m just…so proud of you.”
I swallow the lump in my throat as she wipes at her face with the edge of her apron. She won’t be proud if she finds out how I broke Luna’s heart.
“You know,” she says softly, “your daddy looked at me like you look at Luna. Like I was the only thing in the world worth believing in.”
I nod. I’ve heard bits and pieces about my father over the years, the man I never met.
“He was so wild…so much fun. A tall white boy from Hilton Head. Smile too big, heart too soft. Fell in love with me over church potluck—made me fall in love with him, too.”
“Was he scared?” I ask. “You know. Because of how people would see you as a couple?”
Those days, a white man and a black woman marrying…well, that was a scandal. Even now, I wonder how the world would react to Luna and me together. I knew Nathaniel would lose his shit.
Mama shakes her head. “No,hewasn’t.Iwas. But he said he didn’t give a damn what the world thought. Said if love didn’t cost you something, it wasn’tworthanything.”
There’s a dreamy look on my mother’s face as she thinks about the man she loved, the man who passed away over three decades ago.
My father died when Mama was pregnant with me. It was a car accident on Highway 17. A drunk driver swerved over the line. Benjamin Calder was dead even before the ambulance got there.
My heart aches. It’s an old grief, but it always feels fresh. I miss the father I never knew. And I know Mama misses her husband.
“Mama, I know you’ve had….” I pause to think of a word other than boyfriend, because that sounds weird.
“Men?” Mama suggests.
I shrug. I’m not a prude. My mother has every right to be in a relationship if she wants it.
“Never fell in love after Ben. Had a few men come and go, but none of them could get my heart—because it already belonged to someone else.”
She reaches across the table, rests her hand over mine. “You are my great love after him.”
“Mama, I am who I am because of you.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “Lev and Luna say you raised them, too.”
“Damn right, I did,” Mama says proudly. “You three are the lights of my life. Now, Dom, you get to have your love while you’re still young. Grab it with both hands. You both have wasted enough time. Now, I don’t know what happened and why you…. But it doesn’t matter.Nowis what matters.”
“I made mistakes, Mama. She’s still…working on getting past the hurt I caused her.”
Mama scoffs. “That girl has been in love with you since she was sixteen. Never fell out of it. She has a heart so big that she can’t help but keep loving you. She’ll forgive you…no matter what you’ve done.”
There is that mother’s confidence that I appreciate, but can’t always believe. “I’ve got to earn it, Mama.”
