Page 45 of Wayfinder
His voice was gentle, causing a pull towards him that I couldn’t resist. It sounded like he genuinely cared, but my mind raged with doubt. Was the hint of affection real or just a facade?I wanted to believe it, but my heart couldn’t take another stab of rejection.
I turned to face him, tears hot against my lashes. “What do you want?” My voice sounded bitten and weak.
Jutuk’s expression softened as he reached out to touch my cheek. “I want you, my beautiful and perfect Pearl,” he said sincerely, his husky voice making my knees weak.
Without a moment to gather my thoughts, Jutuk’s muscular arms enveloped me, pulling me close against his chest. His lips captured mine in a deep, lingering kiss, igniting a fire that spread through my entire body. I could feel the warmth of his breath against my skin as I melted into him, my fingers gripping the muscles of his broad shoulders. The sensation was overwhelming, but I gave into it willingly, losing myself in the passion of the moment. I loved him. I loved him so damn much.
But my heart couldn’t take this.
Somewhere, I found the strength to wrench my lips from his, even though his arms remained wrapped tight around me.
“Please. Please stop.”
“I thought you liked our kisses,” Jutuk murmured, his warm breath tickling my ear as his rich, husky voice sent shivers down my spine.
“I do.” I moaned in defeat, then pleaded. “Which is why you have to stop.” I felt the hot wash of tears breach my lashes and flow over my cheeks. I took a deep breath, my voice little more than a whimpered sob. “I can’t. I can’t do this.”
Jutuk raised his head to gaze at me, his golden eyes swimming with concern. His fingertips brushed away the track of my tears, as gentle as a butterfly’s wing against my skin.
“I thought you wanted to stay together.” There was confusion in his tone, but something else, something deeper.
“I do,” I admitted. What was the point of denial at this point? “But it’s obvious you don’t. Earlier, when I asked youabout staying together....” I couldn’t help the sob that broke my voice. “You walked away from me.”
Jutuk’s exhalation was heavy and regretful. He cupped my face, the affection in his golden gaze so intense it made me gasp, my heart fluttering with both hope and fear.
“My Pearl. I have been wrong about so many things, but the one thing that has not been wrong is my desire for you.”
A kernel of hope fluttered in the pit of my stomach, but I forced myself to remain skeptical. I’d had my heart shattered before. “If that’s true, why did you walk away from me?”
Jutuk’s sigh was heavy and weighted with emotion, but it wasn’t a guilty one. Donovan had given me enough of those that I recognized one when I heard it. No, this sigh was different. It carried pure, honest regret, the kind that tugs at your heartstrings.
Gently, he scooped me up into his arms and carried me a few feet to the bed. His heavy weight sank down on the mattress, and he cradled me in his lap, an arm around my waist, keeping me pulled tight against his chest. The blankets rustled under his movement, and my mind filled with recollection of the last time we’d rustled the sheets. The way he held me wasn’t seduction, though I could feel the hardness of his arousal pressing against my thighs. This was an embrace of comfort, his arms wrapping around me like a warm blanket on a chilly night. I relaxed against him, feeling safe and cherished. My heart might end up in pieces, but I let myself melt into the embrace of the man I loved.
“Did I ever tell you about the Vaktaire mating ritual?” His voice was soft and studied, the cadence keeping rhythm with the fingers stroking through my hair.
“No.” During my time at the Baron’s estate, I learned some species believed in fated mates, but nothing specific about the Vaktaire.
“When a Vaktaire mates, his heartbeat and that of his mates come together to beat in unison forevermore.” Jutuk trailed a gentle finger downward, over my shoulder to rest in the valley between my breasts where my heart hammered.
“That’s romantic,” I murmured. I’d never been into romantic fantasy, but the idea of having one’s heartbeat beat in unison with one’s beloved appealed to me.
I felt Jutuk’s lips curve against my hairline. “Yes, but it can also be painful and dangerous.” He gave another sigh, and when he spoke again, his voice held a bitter tone. “The priestesses on my planet that oversee the valakana, the ritual where two mates come together, have always claimed that species other than the Vaktaire are too weak to survive the valakana. And I believed them.” Another deep, heavy sigh. “But I was wrong.”
“You were?” I pulled back to look at him, startled by the regret shining in his golden gaze. My heart ached to ease him, and I traced the lines of his face, trying to decipher the emotions swirling within him. His eyes held a depth that I’d never seen before, like pools of liquid gold reflecting both sorrow and longing.
“Jala informed me of a plot by the priestesses on my home world. A plot to keep the Vaktaire bloodline pure.” His voice took on an angry tone, every syllable dragged over rocks.
I could understand.
“We had somebody like that on Earth, too. A guy named Hitler.”
Jutuk’s angry snort sent a rush of warm air over my cheeks. “Our priestesses are corrupt. My parents were working to gather information that the priestesses purposefully killed other species to further their lies but died because of the treachery.”
“I’m so sorry, Jutuk.” I felt a hot wash of tears gathering. As much as he’d broken my heart, I’d tear out my own soul to keep him from suffering pain.
“My parents were true mates.” His anger seemed to evaporate at the memory, and a warm palm cupped my cheek. “They enjoyed a bond so deep... it was what I desired from a mating.”
“I understand.” I took a deep breath, fighting against the tears. It wasn’t that he didn’t want me, he did. But I could never be what he truly desired. A true mate. The pain settled in my chest like a heavyweight, suffocating me from the inside out. Even though the thought shattered my heart, I couldn’t bring myself to make him feel bad about it. I loved Jutuk enough to want him to be happy.
