Page 35 of The Primary Pest
“She was,” Ajax told him. “That’s why we waited for you.”
“Just who in the hell are you?”
“I’m Ajax Freedom, and—”
“Wait—” Muse said the word, even as Dmytro winced. “What did you just say? AjaxFreedom? The Instagram and YouTube guy? The geshmillion Twitter followers guy? The asshole who said women were like Canadian TV? Interesting but not good enough for American primetime? That Ajax Freedom?”
“To be fair, women were only one of the groups I routinely mocked.”
Dmytro cursed. “We’re leaving a swath in the ground behind us that blind marmosets could follow. Do you not get that we’re supposed to be taking you to a place of safety andanonymity?”
Muse couldn’t let it go. “You’re the one who pretended to be like all those other classless, rich, gun-happy assholes who think they’re better than everyone. You’re a racist, arrogant—”
“Does no one understand performance art?” Ajax asked. “Ajax Freedom wasironic. How many times do I have to say it?”
“Dude. You weren’t ironic. You were a homophobic, racist, classist bag of dicks.” Muse winced when JT probed her wound. “Ow. That’s tender.”
“You’ve got contusions, and they’ll probably want to put in a couple stitches. They may even keep you overnight for observation. Let me call Dad to come here and man the office.” He cupped her face between his hands and looked deeply into her eyes. “You need this checked out. Call your mom and let her know we’re coming to the ER.”
“No.” She whined the word. “Mom has never liked me working nights, even locked in here. Now she’ll nag me until I quit, and I’ll have to go back to work at Miss Independence Pies full-time.”
“Maybe youshouldquit?” Dmytro stated the obvious. “A night job on the highway like this is very vulnerable.”
“One time I got hit on the head.One time. Out of how many?”
“Er—” Ajax didn’t have to do the math. “One is too many for a mom. Believe me. Mine brings in the National Guard every time I break a nail.”
“Your mother is overprotective? I’ll bet she isn’t half as bad as mine. Mine’s an ER nurse, so she’s seen every bad thing that could ever happen to anyone. Anyway, it’s different for boys.”
“Not gay boys,” Ajax countered. “Whenever I bring a guy home to meet them, my mom tries to get a full blood panel.‘You’re being safe, right? You’re being careful? Don’t forget that every time you swap fluids you have to use protection.’”
“You’re gay and you still did the Ajax Freedom thing?” Muse looked horrified. “You really are a dickbag. Goddess. No wonder you need protection. You deserve everything you get.”
“I know.”
“Still, your mom’s right about… you know, especially if you bring home—”
“Do I look stupid to you?” Ajax asked.
“Little bit.” She looked him over carefully. “Maybe.”
“Well, I’m not stupid.” He huffed. “Reckless, maybe.”
“Nice.” Muse gave him a measured smile.
Bartosz asked, “Did we just introduce Bonnie to Clyde?”
“Ajax.” Dmytro laid a firm hand on Ajax’s shoulder. “Please. In Anton’s name. No more. Let us do our jobs. I need to let Zhenya know about this latest development.”
Ajax asked Muse’s friend, “She’s going to be all right?”
“Yes.” JT nodded for emphasis. “It could as easily have been my dad, I guess, and he’s no spring chicken. I’m JT Lents.”
“Pleasure.” Ajax returned his firm handshake. “I like your dad. He’s cool.”
JT smiled. “I think so too.”
Ajax turned back to Muse. “I like it here. Do you think St. Nacho’s chose me? Maybe I’ll come back sometime, soon as I get rid of my admirer.”
