Page 79 of A Reluctant Boy Toy
“I don’t understand.” I put down the yogurt and spoon.
“It’sforeplayfor me, okay.” He gave an exasperated eye roll. “I feel weird getting turned on by something you’re doing out of ignorance and kindness. It’s creepy. That’s why you’d be mad.”
I looked at the fruit. Looked at Sebastian. “Is there a name for that too?”
“A name for what?”
I pulled my phone out and used it to google “feeding as a fetish.”
When I saw the results, I truly wished I hadn’t. Honestly, in retrospect, looking up anything withfetishin the title was probably a one-way ticket to a fistful of internet porn, but hey. I did it for Sebastian. If I was going to be with him, I needed to learn new things.
“So. Um.” I read the first three hits. “I’m guessing we’re not talking about this?” I handed my phone over. As Sebastian read what I showed him, his face drained of color.
“Nope.” He gave the phone back. “That is not what this is. But just so you know, I don’t kink shame, and I would never, ever—”
“So you’re not looking for a feeder to make you gain weight?” I asked. “Because you absolutely could use some meat on your bones.”
“Oh my God.” Sebastian let his head fall to the table. Hard.
“Help me to understand, okay?”
“No, it’s not okay. Wow. If I don’t, like, burst into flames while you’re feeding me or slip down the drain while you’re giving me a shower, then there’s still a chance I could die in my sleep, right?”
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about right now.”
“God,” he moaned. “Is this payback for all the times I gloated about doing better than the other kids in school?”
“Sebastian, look at me.” His long lashes lifted again. “Imagine I’ve lived under a rock somewhere. I just learned I might be demisexual and not…you know…some loser who doesn’t get why the guys talk about pussy all the time. Or dick, I guess. Don’t be embarrassed to slow way down and explain things to me very carefully.”
He nodded. Cleared his throat. “Okay. So. Maybe I want someone who will take care of me.”
I would enjoy that. “Define someone. A Friend? A Lover?”
“That one.”
“Okay. Define lover.” The tea kettle whistled, and I got up to get mugs. “Chamomile okay?”
“Yes, please.”
“So polite.” I brought two mugs to the table and handed him a pain pill. “Wait, Sebastian. Blow so it cools off, or you’ll burn your tongue.”
His eyes widened.
Oh hell no. The penny finally,finallydropped for me.
In aeurekamoment worthy of Archimedes, or somebody else way smarter than me, I understood what Sebastian was saying.
Sebastian liked older men.Check
Sebastian thought of feeding as foreplay.Check
Sebastian got a boner when I bathed him.Check
Sebastian wanted a Daddy.Check,check,check.
I had never been into any kink ever, but Sebastian deserved to have someone to nurture and protect and love him unconditionally if that’s what he wanted. He deserved the best guy in the world.
Whereas my actual, biological children thought I was a monster.
