Page 83 of A Flighty Fake Boyfriend
“Pull up chairs.” Lonnie’s happy expression made me miss my brothers. I resolved to take more time for family.
“I thought you said you weren’t coming up this week,” said Dan.
“Changed my mind at the last minute.” Lonnie shrugged. “I was gonna crash at your place.”
Dan frowned. “Ryan has first dibs on the guest room.”
“That's okay. I took an Airbnb so I’d have a place to myself,” I informed him.
“Okay, as long as you’re sure,” said Dan.
“Thanks for offering, but I need to spread out and do some work. I thought it’d be better.”
Dan gave a nod. “God, I get to see you twice in one year. How was the wedding? You took Epic, right? Epic, how’d you get on?”
“The resort was amazing. I hate weddings, but this one was nice.”
“You hate weddings?” I asked. “You never told me that.”
“God yes.” Epic wrinkled his nose. “If I had told you would you have taken me?”
“No.”
He grinned. “That’s why I didn’t tell you.”
“What is it about weddings you hate?” asked Cam.
“The atmosphere for one thing. And the expense. If I get bored during a wedding, I try to calculate the exact cost per minute based on visible clues and then divide that by the number of guests. I spend the rest of the time worrying that I’m not having enough actual fun to offset the bride and groom’s investment in me.”
“Math geek.” I nudged him with my shoulder.
“That’s the easy math. It’s when you start to consider the cost over the statistical likelihood of the couple staying married that things get trickier. Among the weddings I’ve been to, very few people reach the point where a large wedding isn’t a complete waste of time and money.”
“Define waste in this calculation,” said Dan.
“Well.” Epic dimpled. “Marriage is thought to confer a number of benefits, including mental, physical, spiritual, and financial health. So in that light, you could look at weddings as the investment one makes in those things.”
“Seriously?” Dan glanced at me.
I sipped my drink. “Science does show marriage can benefit those things in the long term.”
“What about all the people who kill their spouses?” asked Muse.
“They’re factored in,” Epic assured her.
“Okay, so what about Luis and William’s wedding?”
“The bougie brothers?” Epic rubbed his temples. “Even given the growing life expectancy among European males, they’re statistically unlikely to live long enough for the benefits of marriage to offset the cost of that ridiculous fucking wedding. I mean, God, that was obscene.”
“And?” I prompted him because basically honest Epic would have to admit he’d enjoyed it.
“And…I loved it.” He moaned. “I’m a fucking whore. The food, oh my God. And that stupid lunar eclipse. Who has a lunar eclipse at their wedding?”
“They probably couldn’t get Beyoncé,” Muse observed.
“So you had a good time?” Cam asked.
“I had a spectacular time.” Epic glanced meaningfully at me when he spoke.
