Page 99 of A Flighty Fake Boyfriend
Epic,
It’s a pity they haven’t yet invented the sarcasm font. That would have made it easier to spot at a distance just how much of your note would hurt. You should wear several warning signs: “Caution, sharp edges,” being only one. Others might say, “Contents may be habit forming,” “Deep water,” and the ever-popular “Slippery when wet.”
I’m sorry, again. I know saying “I’m sorry” without resolving the thing you’re sorry for sounds like, “Sorry, not sorry.”
How did we get here of all places?
Of course my feelings for you aremore.And as Cam and Dan rightfully pointed out to me, I punked out on you disastrously by not facing your parents when you asked me for help. I should have had your back, made the argument that you can—and should if it’s what you want—find work outside the financial sector.
Your math skills are useful in a range of applications, and you’re a competent adult. You don’t need to go into the field they chose for you if you don’t want to.
I should have backed your play, and I’m sorry I didn’t.
Instead, I got tangled up in what your parents might think of me. How they’d treat me after I took you away for a weekend of tuxedo-clad debauchery.
I let my ego take over my conscience, and I’m sorry.
I’m on my way north. I could meet you when I pass through the Bay Area. If you want to give me a second chance to do the right thing, I’ll do my best to help you persuade your parents that places like StolenLives would be lucky to have you. I’ll also give you the direct line of our chairperson, Lila Newcastle, and a great recommendation.
With warmth and best wishes,
Ryan
* * *
I stoppedin San Francisco for the night a couple hours later. Normally, it was one of my favorite cities. I traveled there a lot on business. When I wasn’t strictly on the job, I spent time shopping, walking, or eating in the many great restaurants. This time, I stayed in my hotel room, waiting for Epic’s reply.
* * *
Dear Ryan,
I don’t need you to persuade my parents of anything.
Now that you’re being all nice and shit, I’m forced to admit I shouldn’t have asked you to go with me to confront them in the first place. You’d have been a serious distraction. Things would more than likely have gotten ugly.
And okay, maybe you were right to press pause too.
I probably misread things between us. I can honestly say I wished for things that are just impossible if you aren’t on the same page. I pushed too hard too fast. But you’re mine. I know you’re mine, and I guess I have to wait for you to figure it out too.
I love how important your job is to you. That’s one of the things I find so attractive about you. I’ve never met anyone who feels so passionately about their work. Not anyone whose work is worth that passion anyway. But if you’re going to be Sisyphus, then you have to understand the things we are supposed to learn from him. There’s a reason for the myth. Yes, sometimes we’re destined to fight a losing battle. You've obviously embraced yours. You need to pace yourself. You need to take care of your body, mind, and spirit if you’re going to fight uphill all the time.
I love that your job is not just some rock you’re rolling.
I love the possibility that you might be saving human lives.
I want to be part of that. I will find a way, just you wait.
I can’t meet you while you’re here. I don’t need you to hold my hand with Steven and Chloe. This is my hill. My battle.
I have to invent the thing I need.
When I do, you’ll be the first to know.
With warmest wishes,
Epic
P.S. Next you’ll be trying to slide all up in my snail mailbox. Only boomers write actual letters anymore.
