Page 87 of A Much Younger Man
“You think what matters is a nice house and a bunch of toys and food that comes out of a cupboard and not a backpack or a restaurant bag. You think only someone like you can take care of an animal, that people like me are too young and inadequate and unstable—”
“That’s not it at all, Beck.” I raked my hands through my hair while I searched for the right words. “I want what’s best for both of you.”
“And only you know what that is, is that it? Because you’re so mature and wise and wonderful.” He shook his head. “I should have known you’d try to run my life.”
I finally shut my mouth. This could be Beck’s exhaustion talking, or alcohol, or pot. He might even have a point, and I should consider learning to listen better.
It was too late, and I was too tired. I didn’t want to argue.
I scrubbed my face with both hands. “I’m sorry. It was just an idea.”
“Not a good one,” he clapped back.
“I apologize.”
He glanced away. “I’m sorry too.”
“I have work in the morning, so I need to sleep now. Would you like a ride to Cooper and Shawn’s?”
He shrugged. “I could walk.”
“It’s okay. Let me get my keys. Hang on.”
I didn’t bother putting on shoes. I walked him out to my car, and it took no time for me to run him home.
At Cooper’s place, we sat in the idling car for a minute or two. He seemed reluctant to leave.
“You okay?”
He bit his lip. “I don’t know if I can go back.”
Surprised, I asked, “What do you mean?”
“Like…tonight. It was just like school, but I wasn’t the same. Everybody was nice—don’t get me wrong. They’re all friendly and funny. But I don’t know if I could be part of that group anymore.”
“It’s a totally new bunch of people in a new place,” I said. “You only just got here.”
“It’s not that I don’t know them. It’s that I don’t connect with them. They talk about popular music and what they drink and the classes they take, and I see Tug on his knees for some guy to get enough for the big box of McNuggets.”
Sick at heart, I reasoned it out. “You have experiences they don’t have, and you feel like they come between you.”
“They can’t hear anything but my music, and I have so much more to say. There are all these things I’m feeling. Stuff that terrifies me. And I don’t say any of it because they’re on the other side of this river of experience, and—”
“Oh, sweetheart.” I took him into my arms.
“I can’t find my way across the things that make us different.” He spoke into my shoulder. “Taking Callie away won’t make things more convenient for me. She’s the only family I have.”
“I didn’t understand, Beck. I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t know,” he said in a small voice.
I took both his hands in mine. “We’ll figure this out. You’ll see. Callie’s awesome, but I’m here foryoutoo.”
“I did have some fun.” He looked at me through lashes spiked with tears. “But I’d have felt safer if you’d been there.”
“Why?” I gave his hands a hard squeeze. “Why me?”
“Because you see me. You get me.”
