Page 45 of A Much Younger Man
Chapter Eleven
I lefta pair of sweats and an old band T-shirt on the sink for Beck while he showered. On the way out, I locked the bathroom door.
My awareness of him—that he was naked behind the billowing clouds of steam condensing on the door seemed to permeate my entire being.
That was normal, right? I was a gay, human male, so it was entirely normal to respond to the presence of an attractive male in his prime. It was nothing more than simple biology. If I could only look at it like that—as stimulus and response—I wouldn’t have to feel so…awkward about things.
I toweled the rain off Callie and made her comfortable before changing out of my work clothes. I opted for a worn pair of sweats, a T-shirt, and a hoodie, although I knew I’d probably steam like a dumpling inside it once I had the fireplace going. It was surprising how efficient the little fireplace was in warming the great room. From the front window to the kitchen, its cozy flames took the chill out of the air and fragranced my home with earthy wood smoke. The fireplace was the reason I loved the house so much. I’d always preferred my bedroom cool, so despite living near the beach I rarely needed the forced-air heater.
After I got a good fire going, I nuked food I had in the freezer. It was the perfect night for a hot bowl of chicken tortilla soup, and I had the stuff for cornbread—a mix of course—and all the extras on hand.
I was just putting the cornbread in the oven when Beck slipped into the kitchen on cat feet, like Sandburg’s fog. Why was he trying to be invisible? It didn’t seem very like him. Did he not even want to be around me? Well, duh. Probably not, because—to use Travis’s most recent accusation—I was a dick.
“I want to say one thing—” I began, but he started talking at the same time.
“Look. You don’t know me—”
We both stopped. Then I said, “You’re right. Go on.”
“You don’t know me, so I forgive you. But listen to me now. I’m not the type of guy who flatters people to get something from them.”
“I’m sorry. I may have—”
“And even if I were that kind of guy, there’s nothing wrong with that. Lots of guys spend their whole lives just being charming.” He poked my chest. “And plenty of men like that. Especially old men.”
“Oh,ouch.”
He gave me a little shove. “I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about the truckers who like to tell a story while they’re letting you hitch a ride. So what if they want to talk about their glory days in some war? It’s better than hitting me up for a blowjob.”
“Right.” This was the heart of the matter. “So you tell them what they want to hear whether it’s true or not? What do you care? You’ll be in someone else’s truck in a few miles anyway.”
“That’s not it. I’ve learned to listen to what people don’t say too, you know? I’m trying to be nice and maybe fill a void in someone’s heart. You only want to paint me in the worst possible light.”
Rico took that opportunity to talk. “Likeyounoticed.”
Beck stopped by Rico’s cage to say hello.
“You can take him out.” Rico had been a little subdued, which was normal for him when it rained hard, but Beck soon brought him out of his shell. Rico sat on Beck’s shoulder and mostly postured while they chattered.
“Boop,” I called out.
“Boop,” Rico echoed.
I had to admit, if I hadn’t been so socially out of my depth with Beck, if I hadn’t been expecting some kind of angle, the things he said about filling voids might have warmed my heart. How often had I talked simply because someone seemed interested in what I had to say? I thought I filled conversational voids, but maybe the void had been inside me all along.
“You’re saying that you like to make people feel good about themselves?”
“Don’t you?” he asked defiantly.
Did I? “I confine most of my efforts to animals.”
Beck called Callie to him, knelt, and rubbed his cheek against hers. To Rico’s dismay, Callie then spent considerable time sniffing around him. I tensed, but nothing happened.
“You’re terrific with animals,” said Beck. “Who made you believe people can’t be trusted?”
“Nobody had tomake me believe.” I used air quotes. “People lie. Animals don’t.”
“Don’t they?” Beck narrowed his eyes. “Or do they just lie for different reasons?”
