Page 42 of A Much Younger Man
“I’m just tired, I guess.”
“Heard you and Cooper been looking out for that kid. You got his guitar back?”
I shrugged. “Found it in Salinas.”
“Brownie points.” Our server brought our drinks, and I’m ashamed to say I knocked it back before he left.
“Same again.”
Jim stared. “Oh, dang.”
“What?”
“Seriously, what’s going on with you?”
“Nothing.” I turned back to the window. “No. Well, I think maybe I hurt Beck’s feelings.”
“The kid?”
“He is an adult, I guess. Voting age, not drinking. But yeah. The kid.” I tapped my foot impatiently. “Let’s just say for the sake of argument, I was a dick to him.”
“Mmhmm.”
“If I don’t have any interest in anything more than just mentoring him, or—I don’t know—being nice, should I go out of my way to apologize? Wouldn’t that make things worse?”
“I’m not sure I get what you mean.”
“If I don’t want him to get the wrong idea about me. About whether I’m—”
“Oh, ho. Youlikethis voting-age-not-drinking-age adult whose feelings you hurt.” Jim grinned widely.
“I don’t—” I knocked my water glass over. “Shit.”
On the way with my second drink, our server made a detour for a bar rag. “Here. Let me.”
I scooted my chair back and let him clean up my spot like I was five years old.
“Thank you.” I managed a weak smile.
Jim nodded at his employee and gave him a wink. “Thanks, Salazar.”
“So.” He waited a few seconds before speaking again. “Just now, you pretty much confirmed any suspicions I had.”
“I did not.” Salazar put a new plate in front of me, another roll of silverware, and a fresh napkin. “Thanks again.”
“It’s okay, you know.” Jim nodded at Salazar who melted away. “There’s no crime in recognizing beauty.”
“If that was all it was, it’d be easy.”
He sat back. “What else?”
I shook my head, unable to say.
“You know, I’ve been with Alfred forever. But good-looking servers come and go and the muscle boys on the beach are always pretty. There’s temptation everywhere. I’ve learned to isolate what attracts me and acknowledge it. There’s no point in fighting my feelings. I always have the choice whether to act on them.”
“That’s just it. I didn’t recognize I was that attracted to Beck until it was clear to both of us, and then I—I overreacted and pushed him away. It’s my problem, not his. I see that now. But if I explain, I’m afraid I’ll only dig myself in deeper.”
“You probably have to talk to him about it. You’ll figure out the right thing to say eventually. Don’t wait until he’s moved on, or you’ll regret it.”
