Page 102 of A Much Younger Man
Chapter Twenty-Four
To sayI was in a foul mood the next day would be a massive understatement. I hadn’t slept well. I was still processing the work of the Gilroy case. When it came to trying to save neglected animals—or those who might be, through no fault of their own, behind the eight ball genetically due to bad breeding practices—it was an uphill battle with few victories.
I’d hurt someone I cared about. My parents were disappointed. My friends watched me with a new kind of suspicion.
I’m certain it wasn’t as bad as I pictured, but at the time, it felt as though my life had taken a really dark turn.
“Lena, this is the wrong file.” I didn’t snap at her. No matter how it sounded, I wasn’t snapping; I was tired and resigned. “This is Julia Fleming’s dog, not Angelica’s.”
The fact that Julia and Angelica were middle-aged identical twins who still dressed alike made things difficult, and Lena was in no way deserving of my ire.
She shot me a wounded look and got up to get the correct file. As she handed it over, she said, “Maybe try decaf for a while, Doc.”
I took the file and headed back toward the exam room. Julia’s apricot toy poodle, Frankie, was aging but still looked healthy and alert. He got his regular vaccinations, prescriptions for flea, tick, and heartworm medication, and I recommended she make an appointment to have his teeth cleaned.
Julia and Frankie made that appointment on the way out. The rest of my day had gone much the same. There were no surgeries and no emergencies, just the way I liked it. Healthy animals. Happy people. Two cats and a rabbit later, it was lunchtime.
I’d ordered sandwiches from Bistro to make up for my short temper, and I headed for my office with mine. On the way, I passed by the recovery room where Beck was feeding the goddamned kittens.
Because he didn’t notice me, I stood behind the doorjamb for a few seconds, watching. He held the kitten with care while he talked nonsense to her.
“And then I saw a seagull eating Teddy Grahams somebody had dropped on the ground. Bet it was one of the kids from the day care center. I don’t think seagulls are supposed to eat graham crackers. They’re supposed to eat fish, aren’t they?”
Heart tightening, I passed the open doorway quickly and shut myself in my office.
My favorite Cuban sandwich went down like sawdust.
I doubled up on coffee to stay awake, but I already knew I’d pay tonight when I tried to sleep.
Whenever my eyes closed, I imagined Beck feeding the kittens, or playing guitar on the boardwalk, or wrapping his sweet sexy mouth over a spoonful of ice cream.
We were good together. We made sense.
We had so much in common. We valued the same things.
I could honestly see myself marrying him. I could even imagine having children with him someday…
I could have something lasting with Beck, but I had nothing to offer. Only long days alone. Stretches of time when my volunteer work took me out of town, out of state—sometimes even out of the country.
Then there was the fact that my body would age and give out while he was still young and vital. The possibility that I’d let him down in the most fundamental way, simply by becoming a burden to him and not a partner, made the coffee in my stomach threaten a revolt.
I was a fool to believe that wouldn’t matter. Even if I lived well and took excellent care of myself, he might still have to pay a heavy price for loving me.
April knocked on my door. “Can I come in?”
“Sure.” I wiped my hands off on my napkin. “What do you need?”
“Is everything okay?”
“As far as I know.” I held her gaze steadily. “Why do you ask?”
“You snapped at Lena.” She wrung her hands together. “You never do that. Plus, you haven’t been singing.”
“Maybe some days I don’t feel like singing.” That was out of line. I softened my tone. “I guess the case in Gilroy bothered me a lot more than I realized.”
She pursed her lips as if she wanted to argue with that, but without calling me a liar, she couldn’t. “If you need to talk about anything—”
“We’ve handled worse situations. It just takes a while to get back in the groove. Plus, my parents are in town, so it’s going to be a busy few days.”
