Page 136 of My Cowboy Freedom
“I was a pain in the ass to you when I was a kid. I blamed you for a lot of things that weren’t your fault. I blamed you because my parents weren’t there. I couldn’t air my grievances to them so...”
Jackson drove. His jaw worked. That was the only sign he heard me.
“I blamed you because you were the only one available and I’m sorry.”
That earned me an irritated glance. I couldn’t help the feeling that was the first skirmish in the war over my future. I had to decide who I was and then I had to stick to my guns.
Two hours later, I asked him to stop again.
“I need to hit the head.”
Frowning, he nodded. He took the next opportunity to get off the highway.
The truck stop was busier than I expected. Maisy and I had to run the gauntlet: people who loved dogs in general, people who admired service dogs specifically, people who didn’t think I ought to be able to take my dog with me when they couldn’t, and all the nosy fuckers in between.
Fucking exhausting.
We used the handicapped stall, and while I was washing my hands Jackson took the sink next to mine.
“We’re going to have to agree to disagree,” he said. “To keep the peace between us.”
I stared at his face in the mirror.
“Parlay?” said Jackson, meeting my gaze. God, he was trying so hard to build a bridge between us again, evoking a pirate movie I’d been crazy about when I was a kid.
This hurt him. Strong-arming me, disappointing me, hurt him.
Maisy hated those noisy blowers, so I finished quickly.
“C’mon,” Jackson coaxed. “I’ll buy you McDonald’s. What do you want? They’ve got breakfast all day now.”
My phone came to life in my pocket. I checked it right away, hoping it was Sky. My disappointment must have shown because Jackson was eyeing me with concern.
“It’s from Mother.”
I turned my phone so he could see it.Looking forward to seeing you. XOXO.
We hit a drive-through around seven p.m. I got out to let Maisy pee and stretch my legs.
Jackson had something on his mind. The way he’d clammed up for the last couple of hours. The way he worried the band of his watch.
Finally, I couldn’t take the wait. “What?”
Jackson rubbed his eyes with the tips of his fingers. He looked tired. Older. I’d never seen him quite so transparent. “You met someone, didn’t you? That’s why your mom scrambled the fighter jets?”
“I meet a lot of people.” As the sun dipped toward the horizon, glowing like red fire on the still-wet blacktop, I watched several cars go by.
“Cecilia Everett said there was a new guy at the ranch. She didn’t like the look of him, or the way he looked at you.”
So. ItwasCecilia who’d narced on me. “There will always be new guys to meet. Don’t they get that? They can lecture me, move me, lock me up. It won’t stop me from being gay.”
“You idiot.” Jackson cracked his knuckles. That’s what I always liked about him. He got right to the point. “I understand better than you think. We love who we love.”
“I know.” Poor bastard. He’d had a thing for my mom half his life. The least he could do was acknowledge the truth of those words. He understood what it meant to want someone he couldn’t have.
After that, we sat in silence for another long while.
While we waited, my phone came back to life.
