Page 68 of My Cowboy Freedom
I kept having to watch Tad and Julio and them to make sure I was doing right. None of them were real forthcoming about how things go either. That’s the difference between “Inside” and “The World.” Inside, everyone wants to tell you “their secret” for doing time.
I wished Rock was a cowboy. That would make things so much easier. Especially if Rock wanted a friend as much as I did—or at least if he wanted someone who wasn’t a family member or a dog to hang around with. Because while it looked to me like everyone loved him plenty, he didn’t seem to smile as much as a guy like him should smile.
Happiness kind of snuck up on Rock, I’d noticed. But Rock ought to be happy all the time.
While I watched, a deep V formed between his brows. Was he worried? Or having bad dreams? Whenever I complained about a bad night, ’Nando would wrap his big hands around my skull and press just hard enough to make my eyes water. But then he’d rest his forehead against mine and breathe with me until I knew I’d be okay. Somehow, he always knew what I needed from him.
Aw, shit.
’Nando...
If only I could have taken some of ’Nando’s confidence with me. He was too old for me. When I’d arrived in prison at eighteen, he’d been fifty-four,three timesmy age. He was soft and a little saggy over the muscle he’d built up weightlifting and he’d had a hawk-like nose and rough dark skin. He wore his hair long, braided beneath a knit beanie, because while his hair wasn’t receding, it was thinning a little on top, and he was vain about it.
“Can’t sleep?” Rock asked.
How long had he been awake? “No.”
“You probably caught your second wind.” He shifted onto his side, resting his head on his arm. “Missed the sleep cycle. That happens to me sometimes.”
“How about you? You feeling okay?”
“I’m better.” He looked like he was listening to his body. He wriggled a bit, then sighed. “Everything always hurts after. It’s like I ran a marathon.”
“You don’t remember the seizures?”
“Nope. I short out. I’m not even home.”
“So Maisy housesits while you’re gone?”
“I reckon she does.” In the darkness, I could barely see his face but I heard the grin he wore. “She looks out for me until I can.”
“It’s good you have someone like that. It’s lucky.”
“It is.” He sighed. “You have anyone?”
“Anyone, what?”
“To look out for you? Is there someone back home? Family? Maybe a friend you made inside?”
“Sure.” I nodded, but you don’t make friends in prison. You take hostages. You play losers. You form alliances and always, always, you look for a way to get something more for yourself and you don’t give a shit about who it hurts.
“Tell me.”
“I’m not sure you’d understand. It’s different. Things are different inside.”
“Still. Tell me.”
“Okay.” I sat up, leaning my back against the wall next to the bed. “You know they shift you around from facility to facility all the time, right? I did okay in jail. I guess because I was young and they kept me away from the general population. I took a plea so there wasn’t a trial but you still have to go to court. Then they send you to prison to do your time. Anyway, my first night there, they threw me into the bull pen with all these motherfuckers”—I remembered where I was too late—“’scuse me, a bunch of dudes.”
“It’s okay to swear in your bunk, Sky. It’s only Elena and the boss who’ll give you a hard time about it.” His soft laughter felt like fingers caressing my skin. Maisy lifted her head. There must have been something rustling in the bushes outside. She listened intently for a while, then put her head back down.
“Anyway, there was this big scene and some inmates pushed up on me. I thought I was going to get gang-raped. I was so scared. I fought, but these guys were all huge, you know? But then this old dude sails over and blood and sweat and spit are flying everywhere, and I’m thinking,thank God, guy’s probably a dad, and he won’t let anyone hurt me.”
“So he saved you?”
“Yeah. Except, after, I found out he set the whole thing up to turn me out.”
Rock’s eyes widened. “What does that mean?”
