“Angie, what did I say?”
“Nothing. I just, I need to go home.”
Glancing up at him I note the clench of his jaw and I know I’m pushing him too hard, and he isn’t a man to be pushed, whether he loves me or not.
“I’m not taking you anywhere until you tell me what the fuck is going on with you?”
“Falcon, I, we can’t be together. I’m sorry I did, ah, what I did. I wish we hadn’t. It was a mistake. Please, just take me home.”
“You’re sorry?”
“Yes. I thought if I gave you what you wanted you’d stop seeing me as a challenge, and this whole charade could end.”
“Charade?”
His eyes glitter dangerously and, fearful that I’ve overstepped the mark big time, I flinch as he leans past me to tap the pilot on the shoulder and bark out his order for us to go back.
Shaking his head at my reaction, he leans back in his seat and studies me, and I feel once more pinned by his gaze, enthralled, unable to look away as he nods slowly, coming to some, unseen decision.
“I told you I wouldn’t hurt you,” he eventually murmurs, “but I see from your instinctive response that you don’t believe that. You don’t believe anything I’ve told you.”
I shake my head and try to stop more ridiculous tears from overflowing.
“I do believe you, Falcon. I forgive you for the past. In another time, another place, you and I…”
“There is no you and I,” he mutters, “you’ve made that patently clear.”
“Falcon…”
“But just so we’re very clear,wife, you didn’t give me ‘what I wanted’ — I didn’t come asking to date you for sex. I can get sex at the click of my fingers anywhere, anytime. I came for more than that. As it turns out, I was clearly delusional to hope for anything more — you’re right, we should end this charade.”
I say nothing, my heart breaking at the look in his eyes. Tears flowing again at the realisation that this is really it, that I’ve actually succeeded in driving him away.
I should be rejoicing, but my heart feels like it’s going to explode in sorrow.
As the helicopter lands I rise and step out, and he doesn’t try to stop me.
Turning back, I meet his angry glare.
“Goodbye, Falcon.”
He nods, briefly, once.
I stand watching as the helicopter banks and turns before disappearing into the night sky, as I press my fingers to my swollen lips, recalling his kisses. All my memories of his expertise in the bedroom had done me an injustice — the real thing was even more amazing than I remembered.
‘And not something I’ll ever forget.’
Now, leaning down to take off my heels, I straighten up, preparing to make the long walk of shame back up the hill to our retreat. It’s a few hours til dawn, but I know I’m too keyed up to sleep. Yes, I’d given my body to him. We hadn’t had sex, butfor all intents and purposes, I was no longer a challenge. Only it hadn’t worked, just as I’d known, deep down, that it wouldn’t. He didn’t want me only for my body; he’d made that clear. He wanted all of me. And worse, I’d had to acknowledge that I wanted him too. Wanted what I could never have.
“My mission failed,” I murmur, shaking my head as the tears start again.
“Mine won’t,” a voice I barely recognise whispers from the treeline.
92
The chopper is almost back at the landing strip where my Lear awaits to take me back to my country, when, cursing, I order the pilot to turn around again.
The smell of her is all over me, and it’s driving me insane. Tonight was incredible, but our dates this past month have all been magical. She’s everything and more than I could ever have wanted. And when she kissed me, when she made it obvious that she wanted me, I could have shouted to the moon in jubilation.