Page 25 of Kept 4
As to what will alleviate my pain, nothing, nothing at all.
I frown as I read this, dipping into my dessert and sipping the accompanying demi-sec champagne. My vampire seems depressed. Could vampires become suicidal? Did he really stall in chasing Elsbeth because he was so cut up over me leaving, or was there more to it? Does he plan to let her takehimout?
I swallow the last of my dessert and nod for one last glass of champagne, as I read on.
New Entry
I felt such fear, such terrible fear, such as I have never known these long, long centuries. I was on the phone and redirecting my helicopter pilot before the hour had passed, on my way to where I had felt a pull, a sharp tug on my heart.
I thought I was in command of my grief over losing her, until I lost her utterly, our connection broken for a full twelve hours – I don’t believe I breathed the entire time.
I called every minute on the minute until finally, she answered.
Someone had killed her, she said, but she didn’t want me there.
What kind of woman would be so calm? So, so utterly accepting of the acquisition of sudden immortality. I remember the first time I had myself murdered, all so many years ago, and rose the next day, the shock, the absolute horror of the situation.
And yet she seemed more angry than any other emotion, more focussed on revenge.
Hunters. Hunters strangled, beat and drowned her.
The hunters will pay.
From tonight I will focus my efforts on two camps, the hunters and Elsbeth.
I must if I am to fulfil my promise to Josephine. Of course, it would be bloody helpful if she would fulfil her end of the bargain and go far, far away.
Rennes! For Christ’s sake, of all the places.
I remonstrated her, of course, but she is so strong-minded. I know why she is there; she wants to find out about her family. If she had but asked, I could have told her anything she wished to know – I researched it all when I was seeking her after her flight from Boston.
But she is so independent.
Perhaps, if I’m honest, that is one of the things that drew her to me in the first place, that still draws me to her.
I stayed away, of course. I did as bid. And now I sit, alone, penning these few lines.
But hearing her voice once more, her sweet, determined voice… I’d give my fortune to have her home with me again.
New Entry
Until tonight when I saw her once more, held her again in my arms – it was as though a cloud had covered the moon, and seeing her blew it away, showing all the world in its bright, beautiful glory.
I found her cowering in an alleyway, fearful, yet still, that determined look upon her countenance, and I swearif itwas any other woman I would have forced her then and there to come home with me, accept our union as Kept and Master, allow me to protect her with my body and soul, ensure she never, ever felt fear again.
More than that, it crossed my mind to turn her, to make her Vampire, so that she might never leave me again, through old age and death, or by desire.
But not Josephine. To her, that I could never do.
We kissed, how could we not? I held her briefly in my arms before she tore away, reminding me to let her live her life, to let her be.
And she left me alone, standing on the bottom steps of a flea-ridden hostel, blinded by tears.
I pause reading for a second and wipe a stray tear from my cheek, careful to make no sound lest the waiter behind me sees I am upset.
If only Nicholas knew how I had cried that night too. I’d cried myself to sleep; the picture of his lost, hurt expression as I’d walked away seared onto my eyeballs.
He, at least, was honest in his feelings. Me, no, I suppressed them at every turn, hid them under the blankets and examined them in the smallest hours of the morning, at my peril. But he, he examined his feelings like they were a flesh wound and picked the scab off anew every night in his journals, keeping it fresh, bleeding.
