Page 21 of Kept 2
The stone that covers my love’s tomb, I engraved with my own hand:
Hora E Sempre
Now and Always
And then I left.
I did not confront my mother over her murder of my beloved. I had no anger left in my body, only grief and a strong desire to end it all, finally, in death.
But I could not simply kill myself, for I wish to spend eternity with Constance, and the Church teaches that those who suicide go to Hell. I know my beloved would not wish that for me, despite my behaviour and actions over past months – she will forgive me when we meet again.
And so, I left after the funeral for the court, to defy the King and hope to have my head cut off.
But even in this, I was thwarted.
“I think not. You are too valuable to me to kill – you will continue to please the Countess,” he said.
“No, you fat murderous bastard,” I said blandly, “I will not – just chop my head off, for pities sake.”
He laughed then. His laughter as raucous and genuine as I have ever heard it.
“Ah Nicholas, I enjoy our chats so very much. Go now, the lady beckons.”
But I did not go to her, I went to the slums, to pick a fight in a dirty alehouse and get myself killed.
Once more, I was thwarted.
Oh, I was killed, that is certain, a dagger was thrust into my heart and my body thrown into the river.
But I awoke on the riverside whole and hearty.
The next night I went once more to the tavern, and during the ensuing brawl, I had my arm hacked off at the shoulder.
Once more, the following day, I awoke.
Finally, I realised the only solution was if the beast who had magicked me killed me herself, or if I could kill her and be free from her spell.
I hastened to her suite that very night, but despite my entreaties, she would offer no release.
“Ah Nicky, die? No. You are Kept. You live by my will and my word.”
“What have you done to me that I cannot be killed?”
“Oh, you can be killed,” she laughed, “but by my hand, only.”
“You will kill me,” I said quietly.
“One day,” she laughed, “I promise you I shall. But in the meantime, you will be mine.”
“You promise to kill me?”
“Most assuredly.”
“How long?”
“What is time?” she smirked, undressing, “how little is too little, how late too late?”
“You know I am already dead inside,” I said, as she advanced upon me, smiling.
