Page 38 of The Light Falls
CHAPTERSIXTEEN
MERI
Dirt covers me on the outside, but it’s the leftover grit of the memories that has me itching and desperate to scrub my skin. I look up, but there are no balconies near this spot, and the garden gives me no clue. It all looks the same to me. Weary, I trudge toward the palace, hoping to find my way back to my room, preferably without someone seeing me.
Upon entering, I look up and down the hall. Two oak doors about halfway down the corridor look kind of familiar. I walk over and twist the handle to peek inside, and to my relief, it’s the room where we hold our council meetings. I’m not too far from my room. Quietly closing the door, I pivot and run straight into someone.
Firm hands grip my shoulders. “Meri. I mean, Queen Meri.” Rivan’s concerned voice is music to my ears. “What happened to you?”
“It’s a long story. I need to get to my room and take a long, hot shower. Would you mind escorting me?” I plead, looking up at him.
Red rims the outer circles of Rivan’s gold eyes and a rune on his shoulder starts glowing. “Did someone attack you?”
“No, he barely touched me,” I tell him, a strangled laugh falling from my lips. “I did most of this to myself. My mind got the better of me in training.” Dirt flakes off my arm and falls to the ground. “I know I can use magic to clean myself, but it won’t… I won’t… I need to scrub every inch of my skin.” Desperation makes my voice rise as I try to explain without elaborating on why I won’t feel clean without actual soap and water.
Rivan’s head tilts to the side while he gives me a considering look. “I understand. Come with me.” He quickly looks around, then grabs my hand and takes off.
My nails lengthen with the need to scratch until there’s nothing left. Dirt. Slime. Memories. Too weary to ask where we’re going, I follow, trusting he will help me.
Heading out the door, he pulls me into the garden. Red-gold wings appear, and his arms wrap tightly around me. Before I can take a breath to ask where he’s taking me, we’re in the sky. Wind whistles by us. I turn my face into his neck, seeking protection from it but also a little comfort. He smells of sun and earth.
Ten minutes later, we’re landing. Wings disappear, revealing a cave in the side of a mountain. Swiveling around, I stare out into the valley below. Forest covers the land for miles. The palace is nowhere to be seen.
“You’re not going to get into trouble for leaving, are you?” I ask, worrying my bottom lip. “And we have to tell Kaius, or he’ll think I’ve been kidnapped.” I don’t even know the rules where Rivan’s concerned. Can he leave? For how long? Am I the one who grants him permission, or does he have to go to the council?
A large thumb gently pulls my lip out from my teeth. “Stop worrying. I’m on a short leash, but I can leave the palace without asking for permission. I only need to ask if I’m going to be away for days.” He leans in close. “Although sometimes I… forget and just disappear for a while.” Taking a step back, he nervously watches for my reaction.
My jaw drops open. “Do you really think I care if you go? Or that I’d purposely hurt you for revealing your secret? If so, take me back. Right now. I mean it.” Tears come to my eyes. Already emotional from training, his reaction takes me back to the edge. “I never want to see that look on your face. And to see it directed at me… it kills me.”
I’ll never understand how someone can deliberately abuse another. It’s an anathema to me. Yet it happens every day. In hovels, palaces, and every place between.
“Nyssa and Leandra raged against everything outside of their control. Tied to them, our existence allowed them to assert absolute authority over someone who couldn’t fight back. A convenient punching bag capable of withstanding their tantrums and the power they wielded.”
Tentatively reaching for his hand, I link my pinky with his. “I can barely manage magic or assert authority, and I have zero desire to control everything around me.” His eyes are locked on me. “I’m not weak, though. Lately, I’ve started to understand I’m stronger than Leandra. Not because of the power I have now, but the lack of it all those years. I realize I’m not afraid to fail or lose or fight against the odds.” Even in The Pit, without any magic, I fought. I’d forgotten that until today.
When others hear about the abuse, they wonder why you didn’t “just leave” or “get help.” How? Who? Where do you find the miraculous strength to fight for yourself? I didn’t even have the courage to try. Without magic, where would I go? The Underworld is a dangerous place. Even if I left it and went somewhere else, Leandra would have found me. Persuaded me to come back. It wasn’t until Arden entered my life that I began to dream of something more. Defying Leandra landed me in The Pit. Getting saved showed me how many people cared, which gave me the courage to leave her. Maybe Rivan needs the same.
I link another finger with his. “You lost everything and endured the worst of Nyssa’s punishments. If you think about it, you’re mentally stronger than your previous self, and more than Nyssa could ever hope to be. When you helped Arden, you defiantly stood from the ashes and risked everything to show Nyssa you weren’t afraid to fail or lose. Thousands of years after the war, you fought.
“It’s my turn to fight for you. I will do everything in my power to champion your freedom,” I promise him. A Fae’s promise is a tangible thing, binding the person to their words, but I mean every word.
Rivan blanches. “Don’t. It will never happen. They asked for my sacrifice, and I agreed. The treaty ties me to the light Fae without a time limit. Forever.” He thrusts a hand through his hair. “It’s treason to even talk about it.” Turning on his heel, he yanks his fingers free and stalks into the cave.
My promise offers him the one thing that terrifies him—hope. With the seed planted, I follow him inside.
“There,” he says angrily, pointing his finger.
Lit sconces show a pool in the middle of the cavern with steam rising from it.
“A hot spring?”
Leandra found us a shack in the middle of a forest once that had a thermal spring nearby. Pure heaven. One of the few winters I didn’t freeze.
Shucking my shoes and socks, I dip a toe into the water. It’s almost too hot. Perfect. I strip off my shirt and see Rivan whip around to face the wall.
Once my clothes are gone, I step onto the small ledge inside the pool. “Is it deep?” I peer down. but the water is dark.
“Maybe four feet deep,” he replies, his voice rough.
