Page 27 of My Salvation
“This is incredible.” I smile as I turn in circles. I love rooftop bars. “I am definitely coming here this summer.”
Wrapping my coat around me, he brings me over to a lounge area and turns on the small gas fireplace. It’s not cold out, as it is the end of April, but it’s still chilly. With the fire, though, it’s perfect.
Taking a drink of my wine for a little courage, I set it down and turn to Lev. He reaches out and pulls my hand into his lap. Rubbing it with his thumb, he waits for me to lead the discussion.
“I want to talk to you about a few things, and I’m not sure how to start this conversation, so I will probably blunder through it. Lowell asked me out on a date, and I’d like to go out with him.”
I sort of rush it all out at once, but then I pause to let him digest it. His face is serious, but I can’t tell what he’s thinking. Even though Lev might know about Lowell’s interest, he doesn’t know I had decided I wanted to go out with him.
I continue. “Lowell said you guys already spoke about it and it would be fine for us to date, but I want to hear what you think about it. Truly think about it. I like you, Lev, probably more than I should, since I’m not even sure if I’m capable of more, but you are my priority, not Lowell.”
Stopping, I wait for him to respond. “Lowell and I don’t have any secrets. While we may not share everything in our lives, especially personal moments, we don’t hide things from each other. We’ve talked, and I’m good with you dating us both as long as it’s what you want, too. It’s not a competition. Lowell and I are brothers. I know how happy you make me, and I want him to be as happy as I am. I appreciate you coming to me first before telling Lowell. That means a lot that you would make me your priority. As to your last statement, I’m not sure why you think you aren’t capable of more, but we can cross that bridge when we come to it. I’m not in any hurry,” he says quietly as he raises my hand to give it a kiss.
“How would this work?” I ask. “I just don’t understand how you can be fine with it.” Anxiety races through me as I tackle the subject of Lev dating Courtney. “I can’t stand the thought of you possibly dating Courtney. I know you and I are not exclusive, but seeing her with you kind of eats me up inside. I’m not even sure I want to come to the bar when she’s here, because I don’t want to see you with her or anyone else. How are you not jealous at the thought of my dating Lowell?”
“Whoa. First, I’m not dating Courtney. Who told you we were dating? Did she say that to you?” he asks angrily.
Thinking back, I realize she had only implied they were dating without actually stating they were. “Not in so many words. I felt she meant for me to take it that way, but she didn’t say you were dating. Must be a misunderstanding,” I think he can hear the doubt in my voice.
Reading between the lines, Lev takes my other hand in his and turns me so I’m facing him directly. “Just to be very clear. I’m not dating Courtney, and I have no interest in dating Courtney. She’s the manager of The Black and Gold, that’s it,” he states adamantly. “I am only interested in dating you, not anyone else. Just thinking of you makes my day a hundred times better. When I have nightmares about the Army, I bring up your smiling face on my phone, and it soothes me. Hell, half the time I run around smiling like a goofy bastard, and the other half of the time I’m hard as a rock thinking about the next time I can be with you.”
With tears in my eyes, I realize how much this man is starting to care for me. At some point soon, I need to tell him about my past and see if he still wants to be with me, but not yet.
“I’m still confused about how this will work with you and Lowell. And why it doesn’t matter to you if I date him?”
“It’s not that it doesn’t matter. Instead of being jealous, I want you both to be happy. Lowell and I share bonds that can’t be broken. Not only do we share a similar past, and a foster home, being in the same unit of a special operations force meant we often faced down death together. Once you put your life in another man’s hands, you must trust in him, completely. That he will be there at your back, no matter what. That kind of bond changes how you view him and the world. Things like jealousy take a back seat. When you are with him, you are with him. And vice versa with me. Just be yourself, be honest with us both, and let us worry about anything else,” he tells me.
Looking into his eyes, I see his utmost belief in their bond, and his conviction that things will be fine. Still conflicted, I give him my agreement.
“I’ll be completely honest with you, both of you. If things get serious between us, there are things about my past you should know, but I’m not ready to talk about them yet.”
“I’m already starting to get serious about you, Kate.” His eyes search mine for a response. “But I can wait for you to be ready before you share things.”
Biting the inside of my cheek, I think about it before agreeing. I’m still unsure of whether dating two men will work, but I’m willing to let us all figure it out. I’m very relieved to hear he’s not dating Courtney. Even though it’s not very fair of me, I don’t want him dating anyone else.
Lev and I stay outside, kissing under the stars, until the cold drives us in. He then takes me home and promises to text me tomorrow.
