Page 67 of Rainwater
“I think so,” she said softly, not letting him go, her voice muffled against his chest.
“I want you to remember what you told me. Why you had to ride with a broken wrist. Do you remember?”
“I said that I had to do it for me. For myself.”
“Well, Ellie, that’s what I have to do. I’m not trying to prove anything to anyone. I have to do this for myself.” His chest ached with suppressed tears, his throat tight, so tight.
“It doesn’t make it any easier, Corey,” she murmured.
“I know,” he whispered.
“Are you coming back?” Her voice told him that she already knew the answer.
“No.”
“Why? We want you to.”
He leaned back so he could look into her eyes. “I can’t because a long time ago when I was a child, my father beat me, Ellie.”
“I’m so sorry, Corey.”
He swallowed, finding it hard to go on. “I’m afraid that part of that violence might be inside me, and if I stay here with you and your mom, it might come out. Do you understand?”
Ellie met his stare and nodded. “Yes. I understand. I understand because of Tucker.”
Corey nodded and pulled her against his chest once more. He held her until his arms were numb, held her after she’d fallen asleep and physically hurt when he finally laid her down and covered her with the blanket. He whispered hoarsely, “I love you, Eleanor Jean Horn, like you were my own child.” His voice broke on the last word.
Gently he kissed her temple, unaware of the tear that dropped from his eye onto the soft skin of her cheek.
A devastating salty farewell.
It was more than he’d hoped for. They loved him. The knowledge sang through him, yet scared him. Terrified-down-to-his-toes scared. Spitless scared.
He didn’t’ want to hurt them. He didn’t want to turn into some kind of monster. He couldn’t bear it if he did.
He was going to run again. Run away because it was easier than facing the devastating fear that his father’s words had been true after all. He was going to run and never look back. He was going to leave his dream behind.
Later, once he was in control of himself again, he made his way to Jennifer’s room, pushing open the door. She lay in bed, her eyes open, waiting for him.
“Come give me the night,” she said and he did. It was all he had to offer her.
The morning came too abruptly. Neither of them had slept. Even now, Jennifer lay feigning sleep. She felt him leave her and heard him get dressed. Very gently, he kissed her on the lips. “Goodbye, sweet darlin’.”
Jennifer heard the door close and she lay there, her stomach in vicious knots. She had to let him go. Once again a man was choosing the rodeo over her. She’d been a complete fool.
She never heard the bike roar down the driveway. Never noticed the time passing. There was only sadness and pain. And the horrifying numbness, which seemed to surround her and swallow her whole.
Days later,Jennifer and Ellie sat on the front porch, listlessly. Ellie sat on the porch swing, pretending to read a book, pushing the worn wooden boards with the toe of her bare foot. She hadn’t turned a page in ten minutes. Jennifer sat in a rocker, rocking slowly back and forth. It was better than pacing restlessly, pining for a man who had come to mean everything to her.
Without knowing why, she looked up and met Ellie’s eyes.
“He went to Austin,” Ellie said. “I saw his entry form. It’s a three-day rodeo. Today’s the last day. It’s not that far. We could go.”
She looked at her daughter’s hopeful face. Days had passed and already his absence was like a hole in her heart. She would have to go to him. Somehow she would have to convince him. Somehow she would have to bring him home.
It didn’t take long to get dressed and get into Jennifer’s truck. They both smiled at each other before Jennifer inserted the key in the ignition.We’re coming, Corey, and we’re not leaving without you, she said to herself, for the first time that day feeling full of hope and inspiration for a bright future with the man she loved.
He strapped on his chaps,taking great care with the buckle. His hands were shaking, his insides tied up in knots. He’d drawn Widowmaker, as he knew he would. It was his last ride. He had the most points and this ride would decide the winner. He had been like a man possessed during the tournament. Widowmaker was the last challenge. He knew it because it was his destiny.
