Page 48 of Rainwater
While she had been in town to plead with Gus, she’d gone to the library, meager as it was, but was unable to find the book she needed. Desperate to understand, desperate to make him understand that it meant a great deal to her what he had gone through, she’d contacted a friend in Houston who had purchased the book and sent it to her. Jennifer had spent evening after evening going through each word. She now thought she knew what had replaced the absent love and security in Corey’s life. The rodeo.
She swallowed the tears and once again looked out the window. Corey was rounding up the stock she had sold. She watched him herd the bulls competently, but she saw the tension in his body, the stiff way he held himself. The need to flee was written all over him.
Heartsick and hurting for the small boy he had been, Jennifer gritted her teeth, her vision blurring again. She reached up and wiped away the tears.
When he had been gored, when he had lost his pride and livelihood, he had once again lost his base, the foundation from which he dictated his life. God, no wonder he was running. Floundering in confusion and chaos, everything must have crumbled for him. He’d had to deal with the fear of the bulls and the guilt of his family’s deaths. No wonder he’d wanted to get away from her and Ellie.
And with a chill, she knew that she was tempting fate by bringing that motorcycle back within his reach. At the first sign of how much she needed him, she knew instinctively that he would run.
She put the book in the chest under the window, hiding it under some colorful Navajo blankets. She decided to play it by ear for now. No confrontations about his abuse. He would have to be the one to tell her and until he did, she wouldn’t pushfor a physical relationship unless he approached her. His silence bound her as tightly as it did him.
When she stepped onto the porch, she saw they had finished loading the truck. Ellie was playing fetch with Two Tone, one of his favorite games. She smiled at the way the little thing trotted after the stick Ellie threw him. With love filling her up, she looked at her daughter and was so thankful for her. Ellie, in her innocent way, was teaching Corey as sure as he was teaching her.
Her gaze moved from her vivacious daughter to seek out the man who had become as important to her as breathing. He was pulling down the handle of the truck to lock the stock inside for transport. She saw him lean his head against the doors, breathing heavily. He rubbed his hip again with anger and agitation, his posture rigid. Jennifer hurt all the way down to her soul. God, how hard this must be for him.
He turned and slid down and sat on the bumper, his hands shaking as he folded them together to stem the tremors.
After a few minutes, he finally got up and headed for the cottage. When he reached the porch, he leaned against the pole, still breathing hard, his eyes closed, fists clenched.
She stepped down off the porch with every intention of soothing him.
Corey was just gettinghis breathing under control when he heard the tread on his steps. His eyes flashed open and Jennifer filled his vision. He swallowed hard, thinking about dreams coming to life. He had avoided her so much these past three weeks that his hands itched to touch her to make sure she was real.
“You’re something else,” she said.
“How’s that?” he asked, hating the way his voice came out hoarse with longing.
She stepped closer to him. “You’re terrified of them, aren’t you? That’s what you meant when you were telling me about Widowmaker. You aren’t terrified of riding them and falling off. You’re terrified of them.”
He ducked his head, a flush staining his face when he heard a small sound escape from her lips. She took his hat off and threw it on a nearby chair. Cupping his face in her hands, she made him look at her. “There is nothing to be ashamed of. Corey, look at me,” she demanded when he wouldn’t meet her eyes. “Look at me.” When his eyes shifted to hers, he knew they were full of anguished shame he felt.
She spoke carefully. “You went through a traumatic, life-threatening event. You’d expect some of that fear to linger. There’s nothing wrong with that, Corey.”
In a voice hushed with anxiety, he said, “I hate this fear, Jennifer. It makes me feel powerless.”
“Listen to me, you’re not powerless. Look at what you’ve just done. You loaded those animals. You overcame your fear enough to actually be in the same vicinity.”
He looked deeply into her eyes and smiled. He pulled her close and whispered in her ear. “Thank you, darlin’.”
She pulled away from him and stepped back. “There is something I want to ask you. It’s very important to me.”
“What is it, Jennifer?”
“I promised I would take Ellie to the junior championships next week, but unfortunately, I have to make a trip to Phoenix on business.”
“Can’t you postpone it? Jennifer, this will devastate her. You can’t do this to her. She’s worked so hard. That buckle is practically hers.”
“I know that. I want you to take her. You’ve been so good with her, and you’ve been with us on all the other competitions. Please.”
Her words hit him like a physical blow. He flinched, his eyes widening and he was struck totally speechless. Emotions darted through him—shock, fear, vulnerability and, finally, joy. Hoarsely, he said, “you would trust me with your daughter? Damn it, Jennifer, you don’t know me.”
“I know you, Corey. I know you would die before you harmed a hair on her head or let anyone else harm her. I know that, and for me, that’s enough.”
He twisted away from her and went to sit down in a chair, sinking into it as the strength left his legs.
After a moment, he looked at her. “You trust me?”
“Yes, I trust you. Will you do it for her? For me?” When he didn’t answer right away, she averted her gaze and stammered, “I—I guess I could ask someone else—”
