Page 25 of Rainwater
He looked at her. “Didn’t you want me, too, or does my Native American heritage repulse you?”
He said the words as if the whole world were against him and it quite stunningly broke her heart. She wasn’t going to admit she wanted him. Her sanity returned in a rush. She couldn’t afford a relationship with him. She should have kept her distance, but how could she when he was hurting so bad? How could she when she couldn’t stop thinking about him? But if she admitted her feelings now, it would make them so very real. “Is that it? You think I’m like Jay? That I would discriminate against you because you’re Native American? To me, Corey, a man is a man whether he’s black, white or green. I wouldn’t give a damn if you were striped!”
He was black, all right, but inside where she couldn’t see. “You didn’t answer my questions. Didn’t you want me to kiss you?”
“No, I didn’t want you to,” she lied. “But it has nothing to do with your heritage,” she added quickly. “I was just trying to explain something to you, you stubborn jerk!”
Without warning, he backed her up against the jutting eave support of the sloping roof. She couldn’t help admiring the sleek animal grace of him as he moved so fast she barely had time to register the movement. Solid and seductive. “You know something, Jennifer? You’re giving me mixed signals.”
“Wh-what do you mean?” she stammered, not understanding the explosive change in him.
“You want to know what I think.”
“What?” she was coerced into asking by the sultry glint in his eyes.
“You are a wild cowgirl with a hidden reckless nature. Your eyes give you away. The way they look at me. The way they caress me. They say one thing. But those lips, those soft, sweet lips are telling me something else. So which is lying, Jennifer, your words or your eyes?”
“I’m not lying! I’m not going to get myself involved with a man who can’t commit. I won’t do that again, especially to some rodeo jerk who can’t even handle compassion and mistakes it for something else. Don’t work for me. See if I give a damn. You can leave right now if you want. Go ahead. Leave!”
His lips compressed, and he closed his eyes, backing away from her. His fists clenched at his sides, then he opened his eyes.
Jennifer gasped out loud with a soft, heartfelt moan. She was aghast at what she had said and was instantly sorry. She hadn’t lost her temper so completely since she’d been a young girl. He’d goaded her, but that was no reason to be vile. She covered her mouth, and through a blur of tears, she whispered, “Don’t go.” Then she ran from the loft, in such a hurry to get down the ladder that she nearly fell. When her feet hit the ground, she ran out of the barn into the blazing sunlight. Grabbing the reins of her horse, she vaulted into the saddle.
She galloped away from the barn and the tears that had started to build broke loose. It wasn’t his words that had herrunning away. It was the look on his face. A face ravaged by strain, with lines of soul-deep pain etched around his eyes and mouth. But still, that hadn’t caused the tears. No, then she had looked into his eyes. Into wells of deep, dark agony, pain so raw, torment so deep she thought she could drown in it.
She saw a man on the edge. Keenly on the edge. And she could be the catalyst that sent him over. She saw so clearly in his eyes. He wanted her and her blood pounded from that knowledge. He was willing to risk everything, including his sanity, to have her. She saw that, too. But she still wanted him with an irrational need that was dictated from her heart. She would be willing to take the risk because she knew now that if she didn’t, she’d never know what real love was. It had been staring her in the race ever since she’d met him. He was her one chance to know something powerful, something forbidden, something so reckless that she could not only lose him but herself, as well.
He wasn’t anything like her ex-husband. He had integrity. Oh, God, she couldn’t use that old excuse about never getting involved with a rodeo rider. He wasn’t anything like Sonny at all. He was much, much more.
The fear at that thought sent her leaning over the saddle, urging her mount to a higher, dangerous speed. She leaped walls and fences without thought, letting the wind stream around her. She had to think. She had to come to grips with the knowledge that her safe little haven could become unstable.
After she’d slowed her horse to a walk, she came to the conclusion that she had waited for this man all her life. She knew that a passion and sheer touching of souls was possible, and that promise throbbed with stunning potential so intense she felt her muscles tighten in response.
If she let him go and never knew the touch of his hands, or the beauty of him, she would never have the chance again.Something would be lost to her. Something of herself, something important that she needed to discover again. Something that had been lost when she’d been betrayed. Trust. And if she trusted again, she could become the uninhibited woman she had once been. She was so sure that she gasped, the knowledge becoming like a bright spot in her mind. She slid to the ground, letting go of the horse’s reins. He drifted off, but she didn’t notice. She was lost and found, bereft and on the edge of joy. And so scared she was spitless. If she let Corey touch her, she would be lost and she had to make sure she was prepared to live with herself once he was gone.
He emergedfrom the barn long after Jennifer was gone. He clutched his painful ribs and looked out over the meadow, as if he could see her even from a distance, as if she burned like a fire on his heart. He rubbed his temple and swore soft and low. Staying here was not an option, he told himself. But he wanted to. He wanted to be good enough to deserve Jennifer and Ellie.
But he knew he wasn’t good enough. His father had told him enough times. He’d failed his mother, he’d failed his sister, and somehow he’d failed his father. He must have. He’d failed at the rodeo. He would fail with Jennifer, too. It was only a matter of time.
His attraction to Jennifer Horn was dangerous. To her. To him. To Ellie.
“Come on, you flea-bitten nag.” Ellie’s voice drifted to him and he turned to find her trying to get her horse to keep his concentration as he was going around the barrels. He walked painfully to the fence and leaned against one of the posts.
Ellie reined in the horse and slumped dejectedly in the saddle. She looked so pitiful that he couldn’t help himself. “Ellie, you’re trying too hard.”
She looked up, her face breaking into a beautiful grin when she saw him. “You’re up! Jeez, that’s great, Corey! Are you feeling better?” She nudged the horse over to the fence and dismounted. Tying the rein to the split rail, she ducked under and stood next to him. Her exuberance was going to wear him out. He gestured to the paddock next to her practice ring. “Why aren’t you training that little mare? She’s got champion written all over her.”
Ellie looked over her shoulder and sighed. “Yeah, I know, but no one can get near her. Mom bought her at an auction because the horse was being abused. Unfortunately, we haven’t been able to get her to trust us. Mom won’t let me even try to ride her.”
Corey looked at the animal again. “Would you like to?”
“Yeah, are you kidding? I love Champ, but he’s just too old to compete,” she said, indicating her mount. “Mom worries too much. I understand, but I really want to compete, Corey. Do you think you could talk Mom into it?”
He pulled on one of her braids. “I don’t know, Ellie. I’m not going to be here that long.”
Disappointment clouded her eyes, but he could see she tried to hide it. For some reason, that little act of sparing his feelings got to him. His throat clogged. “I’m sorry, Ellie.”
In a mimic of his move, she pulled on his braid. “That’s okay, Corey. Mom said you weren’t staying long. Just until you healed. Don’t worry, I’ll find some other way.”
