Page 48 of Second Chances
“I didn’t want you to leave,” his answer short, a shadow crossing over his face, almost as though he was purposely hiding the reason why.
“So why not ask me?” she prodded.
“Because I knew what your answer was going to be!” His admission came out harshly and louder than even he had expected. He sucked in another breath before continuing more calmly, “I don’t know, Beth. You weren’t thinking about what I said, about my concerns; you weren’t thinking about me. I guess I thought if I could get through to you physically, you might change your mind.”
This time he forced his head out of her hand to look away, his jaw clenching at the release of his words.
“So, instead of asking me to stay verbally, you asked me to stay physically,” Beth began, waiting for him to confirm in agreement before continuing, “Your past has taught you that words don’t mean much, that they can’t be trusted; you’ve grown up, been conditioned, and rewarded for judging people and relationships - personal and business - based on the physical connection or vibe that you get.”
Beth paused, waiting for her words to sink in, watching the intrigued expression come over his face as he began to process what she was implying.
“I won’t disagree with that, but that’s not the re—” Darcy was cut short again as Beth persistently continued with what she needed him to hear.
“After this afternoon, after talking to Jane, I can see it now. Every time something happens or we disagree or you are stressed, you need a physical connection to me; you need physical touch to reassure you that I’m there, that I’m ok, that I love you in spite of whatever is going on; words aren’t enough. Just like you said, you felt like your words weren’t enough to get through to me, just like my words of reassurance weren’t enough for you. As much as what happened was you asking me to stay, it was also you asking me to show you that I do care about you, that I do think about you and your feelings, because I wasn’t acting like I do.”
“People lie; it’s what they’ve always done and the people I’ve let close to me, save you and Charles, have only proven that beyond a reasonable doubt to me. Yes, I’ve built my life, my businesses, my relationships on my impression of people, my gut feeling about them, because I’ve learned the hard way what happens when you don’t fucking trust your own instincts, but what does that matter, Beth?God,”he cursed, pulling away from her completely, take a few steps toward the other window in the room. “What does it matter if my earlier actions had meaning, if that’s what I was trying to get across? The fact is that I don’t know how to use words to communicate with you; I just molest you and hope that you get the message.”
His disgust for himself broke her heart.
“Stop!”she yelled angrily, “No, it’s not ok, but itisok that we communicate differently. Yes, I need the words, the explanations, the quality time spent with you to make me feel loved but that doesn’t mean that that is how you have to be too.”
She walked over to him, putting herself directly in front of him, looping her arms around his neck, pulling her body flush against his.
“Webothneed to understand how the other perceives love, not just assume that it’s one way or another. When I push you to tell me things, whether it’s simple stuff or hard stuff that you’d rather forget, or when I ask you to come with me to events, or just want to spend time with you, you need to understand that that is how I know that you love and value me, that it’s not just me being nosey. And I,” she paused here, unable to stop herself from kissing him lightly on the chin, “I need to understand that when something is going on and you are pushing for physical attention, that it is because you are looking to feel loved and acknowledged by me.”
He groaned, closing his eyes and letting his forehead rest on hers.
“I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” he began. “I feel like a fucking monster when I do that, like I can’t control myself, but I need you. It’s the only way I know for fucking certain that you need me too.”
“Shh, it’s ok. You aren’t a monster; we both just need love in different ways sometimes. Realizing that, now, is going to make a difference; it’s going to make things easier,” Beth reassured him, knowing that it would take time for him to be fully convinced that he wasn’t completely in the wrong for how he acted.
“I love you,” he said simply, his eyes opening to lock onto her gaze.
He made no move to kiss her or draw her closer. In fact, Beth had to question if he had even breathed since he said the words; he had gone so still, completely eliminating any physical component to his endearment. Instead, he let the words stand alone for her to absorb, allowing them to sink in and warm her heart instead of doing so with a kiss, allowing them to comfort and embrace her instead of doing so with his arms, allowing them to love her the way that she needed.
Beth recognized the statement that his lack of action was making and she felt the tears gathering in her eyes at the small, simple gesture, letting her know that he had heard her, that he believed her that these revelations would make a difference.
“I love you, too,” she said, her voice thick with emotion, and then, clasping his face, she leaned in and kissed him deeply, letting her mouth vouch for the verity of her words, letting her kiss love him the way that he needed.
It took less than a second for him to realize she was giving him the comfort that he needed before he relaxed and gave in to her kiss, groaning as her mouth opened to him, his tongue sweeping inside to toy with hers. Beth felt her back against the window as Darcy’s arms crushed her to him, his mouth angling over hers for better access. Then his caresses slowed, his kiss deepened, as if, with each lick, with each nip of his teeth, he was drinking in her forgiveness, her compassion, her love for him.
Beth followed his lead, letting their kisses turn slow and languorous. Her arms linked around his neck, she enjoying his caress, succumbing to the mind-numbing desire that permeated throughout her. Suddenly, she felt her legs lifted out from underneath her, her gasp breaking their kiss, as he carried her to the couch with a devious smile on his face. She bit her lip, returning his smile, as she closed the distance between their mouths again, resuming their kiss just as Darcy sat them down on the couch, her legs over his lap.
God, he was delicious.
Maybe it was because of the relief, the hopeful progress, of their conversation that had awakened her passion, but all Beth knew was that her body burned for him. She didn’t know where it had come from; their kisses had been slow, unhurried, the physical seal of their commitment to each other, and yet somehow, over the past several minutes, her desire had built, silently and steadily, to a searing ache at her core that was impatient for release.
Just at the moment when she realized how completely aroused she was, Darcy broke their kiss and pulled back to look at her.
She stared back, confused why he had stopped.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, impatiently, drawing a warm laugh from his lips.
“Nothing,” he replied, smoothing back a stray strand of hair from her face, leaning in to kiss her forehead. “I just want to talk to you about your day, that’s all.”
Wait, what?
She stared blankly back at him, her mind having to fight through her arousal to process what he had said.
