Page 45 of Second Chances
How he knew she would be here and how he got them in here were the least of her concerns right now.
Returning with their tea and some Milano cookies to snack on, Jane sat next to her sister and waited patiently for Beth to open up to her.
“I’m so sorry, Jane,” Beth began, “I feel like I’ve ruined such a special day for you.” Her tears began to fall faster now, thinking about what a horrible sister she must me.
“Oh, Beth, how could you say that?” Jane exclaimed. “Of course you didn’t ruin my day. You know these things don’t mean that much to me, I’m just glad you could be there with me, but more importantly, that I can be here for you now. You’re always the strong one, Beth, it’s ok to be hurting; it’s ok to unload on me. I can’t even count how many times I’ve done the same to you over our lifetime.”
“I know, I just…” She had to pause to blow her nose. “God, I’m a mess, Jane. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m in over my head, like maybe I’ve made a mistake. I don't understand how people do this - be in a relationship with someone. What if I’m not cut out for it? What if Darcy and I aren’t meant to be? Or what if we are and I’m just giving up too easily?” Beth rambled on, thought after thought, fear after fear.
“Woah, woah… just slow down for a minute. Take a deep breath and just tell me what happened and we’ll go from there,” Jane suggested softly, trying to prevent Beth from getting all worked up again.
Beth nodded shakily as she began to tell Jane what had happened earlier that day. As she spoke, she relived those moments leading up to her walking out on Darcy, trying to process every detail, every word that was said, trying to find some sort of clue or explanation for what had set him off.
Without getting into detail about how the woman had used Darcy’s feelings for her to turn him into her sex-slave, Beth had to tell Jane about the emotional trauma he endured, being repetitively abandoned, and then, when she was there, always being forced to remain in a constant state of controlled performance. Beth could tell that she had shocked Jane even with the most basic facts about Darcy’s past, even though Jane tried to hide it well.
“Oh my God, Beth, that is terrible,” Jane murmured. “How could someone do that to another person, especially to someone that you are in a relationship with?”
Jane always saw the best, assumed the best of everyone; as much as Beth had been shocked about it when Darcy had told her, she knew just how much more difficult it would be for Jane to comprehend that people actually hurt people in this way.
“Am I missing something, Jane?” Beth asked, redirecting her sister back to the present. “I know you only know the bare-bones of what’s going on, but did I do something or say something that would put him on the offensive like that? What could I have done to flip that control switch on?”
“Well, you obviously didn’t do anything intentionally, or even something outright that was just misinterpreted,” Jane mused, “Could it have been one of us?”
“I don’t see how he, or anyone, could have a problem with you which leaves either mom or Caro. I don’t know that much about Caro but I’ve never heard him mention her, good or bad, even when Charles has brought her up on occasion. I mean, Charles is his best friend, I can’t see him hating his best friend’s sister and not saying something to me about it, especially whenyouare marrying said best friend. I guess she is a remote possibility, but out of the two, I feel like mom is the more likely culprit…” Beth trailed off, considering the possibility. “What has mom done though? Aside from being herself…”
“True, I don’t remember Charles ever saying that there was any animosity between his sister and Darcy, not that she’s been around very much for the past several years. And mom, well, unless he thought that you might say something to her about the two of you? I don’t know why that would matter. Ok, so maybe it wasn’t us,” Jane concluded. “Was he stressed about anything else unrelated? Maybe it was just an outlet, you know, how sometimes you get so stressed out about one thing and then something completely, normally harmless, happens and you react disproportionally.”
“Well…” Beth started, biting her lip.Shit.With a deep sigh, she heaved into the events of the previous night, being forced to leave her event, only to find out that Darcy had run into his ex-girlfriend there.
“Oh dear, poor Darcy,” Jane whispered, as Beth finished explaining what had happened. “I mean, of course, what he did was wrong, but do you think it could be because of the stress of seeing her again? Or of wondering what she might try to do to him or to you? I can’t imagine coming face to face with someone who had abused me like that, fully expecting to never have to see them again.”
“I didn’t think about that,” Beth began, “but we talked about it the night before, and that morning. I agreed to let his security people follow me around and make sure that I’m ok.” Her justification sounded weak even to her ears.
“I know, I’m just trying to look at it from his perspective because I understand yours; we just don’t understand his,” Jane said, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. “Now, just because you talked about it and he said that he had a plan to keep everything under control, do you think that makes the stress of the situation go away? Think about a few months ago when you were stressed out about not knowing what was happening or was going to happen between you and Darcy. Even when you decided that there was nothing between you, after Darcy left with Charles, did that make your stress go away completely? Were you completely free of worrying about or thinking about Darcy while you were at work or at home? I mean, I saw you; I know that you weren’t ok. Stress and fear make it easy to give in to our worst qualities.”
“I guess, I didn’t even think about that,” Beth said in awe. It wasn’t a pass for what he had done but she certainly hadn’t stopped to consider the emotional stress he was under knowing that his abusive ex was not only back in town, but back with the express purpose of seeing him.
“I can’t say for sure, Beth, but I’m just trying to think of it from his point of view. Of course, you didn’t do anything wrong, but I know how important you are to him. I know what he has done for you and just maybe, trying to internalize the stress of dealing with his ex, trying to be in control of the situation, snapped a little when the first thing that happens is the person he cares most about says that they have to leave - for a legitimate, harmless reason; however, if his first instinct is to protect you, and your first action is to want to leave his protection…” Jane trailed off, watching Beth’s brow crease as she seriously considered the possibility.
“I really didn’t even stop to consider that; my first thought was that we had already gone through a similar situation and we were just repeating the past,” Beth acknowledged. “I know that we show love in different ways; I know that physical touch is important to him and that’s how he knows how much I care. Every time that we argue or something bad happens, it’s always my response to him physically that comforts him, that shows him that I still love him and care about him. I think he’s had so many people he cares about lie to him that that is the only way he knows how to truly gauge someone’s feelings.”
“So maybe his physically asking you to stay was him asking for a show of your love, to give him the peace of mind knowing that you are safe with him?”
“Maybe…” Beth mused. “I know for me it’s not the same; because he has been so closed off, it’s that quality time when he opens up to me, shares his life and his happiness and hurt with me, that shows me that he loves me. It’s like we speak two different languages and as much as I might understand his actions now, I can’t help but wonder if it’s always going to be like this?”
“Oh, Beth,” Jane consoled her. “I don’t know for certain what will happen, but I know that you don’t learn another language in a month or two. Even though you’ve immersed yourselves in each other’s lives for the past few weeks, I don’t think its been long enough to make that judgment call. You said yourself that you’ve seen him changing. Based on what you’ve told me, even though you might not understand at the moment, you know, for the most part, why he does the things that he does. It just takes time.”
Beth gave her sister a weak smile acknowledging her point.Of course, Jane was right.She felt the anger and hopelessness beginning to seep out of her.
“I know it can be frustrating, Beth, especially for you. You’re a perfectionist and when you want something done a certain way, you make sure it happens. Unfortunately, people don’t work like that. Change takes time; it takes patience.”
“I know,” Beth said, resigned.
It wasn’t like he had tied her down this time. If she had forced him, she could have left.What Jane had said, made her think. She knew how Darcy operated; she knew the types of gestures that he valued, that translated into expressions of love for him. He had been extremely angry and agitated and on edge last night after the confrontation with his ex, and even though they had talked, she saw the stress on his face this morning that he had tried to hide. Especially when she had given him a hard time about having his security follow her.
“He was trying to protect me the best way that he knows, by keeping me with him. I can see that now; I wish he could just say that though - if he could just ask me to stay because he is concerned. Not that I would have stayed but he could have come with me or something,” Beth continued.
“I know, but I’m sure that as time passes you’ll both learn to interpret each other’s actions and words better and be able to show your love for each other in the way that the other person understands and appreciates best. For Darcy, his actions speak louder than words, and he sees your love and concern for him in your physical connection and response.”
