Page 15 of Second Chances
Looking back, she saw all of their previous encounters in a new light; everything that Darcy had said and everything that he had done. Every time he had acted on his desire for her in such a dominating and controlling way was because that was how he had been trained to respond to his sexual urges, how he had been trained to believe that that was the right thing to do, and how he had been emotionally punished until that response was instinct for him.What a bitch.
I wonder who she is.
He would never tell her. She assumed that and he probably was right not to; it was in the past and Beth wasn’t sure what she would do if she learned the woman’s name. She sighed as she turned off the water. She still had so many questions:has he seen her since she left? What about the other women he as dated and/or slept with since then? How have they handled this? Has he talked to anyone about this? Who else knows what happened with this woman?The thoughts were endless - a small part of her wished she could have just accepted the way things were without opening this can of worms.
She dried off in front of the mirror.I wonder what she looks like -the thought came unbidden to her mind. Throwing her towel onto the floor, she stalked into the closet to get dressed and get to work ASAP; she needed to focus her mind on something else or she was going to go crazy.
Going through the motions, she was out of the door in another 20 minutes with her hair only still slightly damp. Even with stopping next door for her usual coffee, Beth made it to her office half an hour early. It wasn’t the best scenario for her inquisitive mind, but it was better than being in Darcy’s apartment, where everything reminded her of him. Opening up her computer, she just managed to click on her email when her phone started to ring.
Anne.
Great - so much for not thinking about Darcy and his abusive ex.Deep down, she was thrilled to see Anne’s name because she was too curious for her own good.
“Hey, thanks for calling,” Beth answered.
“Of course! Sorry, I couldn’t chat earlier. I was at my mom’s place and knowing her, the whole building is probably bugged so I figured it was better for me to wait and call you.”
“I wouldn’t put it past her. I won’t keep you, I was just wondering what you knew about Darcy’s ex-girlfriend, if anything?” Beth asked, trying to seem nonchalant. She didn’t want to reveal everything that Darcy had told her because it was obviously very private and not her information to share.
“I don’t know too much. I mean, I’ve known him for a long time, Beth, but I don’t actually know that much about his life. We’re close friends but only because of having to deal with our parents, and now mostly my mom and her expectations,” Anne began. “I know he was seeing someone for a while but he never told me who it was, so that I can’t tell you.”
“That’s ok, I probably shouldn’t know that anyway,” Beth admitted.
“A few weeks into their relationship, he started to tell me a little about her, and he seemed like he had really fallen for someone. Not long after that though, he started to change. Some days when I saw or talked to him, he would be on top of the world, other days, he seemed almost depressed. I heard him one time on the phone with her; he kept asking where she was, telling her, begging her to come home. When I asked him about it, he just brushed me off and said that he had everything under control, but he was visibly shaken. I don’t know what was going on, but it only got worse. Darcy became more distant from everyone and even the mood swings disappeared, but what replaced them was just a cold callousness. It was like he switched off his emotions or something,” Anne surmised.
“I see,” Beth acknowledged her, processing how Anne’s description fit in with what Darcy had told her of this woman.
“Like I said, I don’t know who she was. Sometimes I remember having the impression that she was someone that I knew, someone who was in our social circle, but I never saw her or heard him say her name. Whoever she was, she did a number on him though. I mean, if I happened to catch him on one of those bad days, he was a whole different person. Even his other friends, like Charles, noticed but he pushed us all away. I don’t know if he realized he was doing it or she was forcing him to do it, but aside from that relationship, his other ones faded almost into nothing during that time.”
“Wow, so he really shut himself out of the world while he was with her,” Beth responded, thinking out loud.
“Yeah. Well, his personal world, not his business one. As far as I know, his businesses excelled during that time, but he was either consumed with that or consumed with her.”
“I see. What happened when it ended?” Beth asked.
“I remember he didn’t show up to work one day, and somehow they ended up calling me trying to find out where he was. So, I went over to his apartment and rang the bell obnoxiously until he answered.” Here she paused. “I don’t know if I should be telling you all this but I guess I can’t stop now. He opened the door and I could see clearly that he was completely wasted, with an almost empty bottle of scotch in his hands. I remember his hands were dirty too, smudges of black all over them, it was weird. Anyway, I asked him what was going on, that people were worried about him. He gave me this ugly expression, told me to ‘leave him the fuck alone,’ and slammed the door in my face. I yelled at him through the door that I would be back tomorrow to talk to him like a normal person. After that, I told his office he was sick and wouldn’t be in for the day and prayed that tomorrow would go over better. The next day when I got there, he didn’t answer the door. I freaked out thinking something had happened and called his office, and they told me that he was in the office bright and early that morning and was feeling much better. I went right over there to talk to him and there was no trace of the anger or hurt that I had seen the previous day; he was a completely new person. When I asked him about it, he said that he wasn’t feeling well but he’s fine now, in that tone that says that this is where the conversation is going to end; I know you know that one.”
Beth laughed because she was quite familiar with that tone.
“That was it. He wouldn’t talk to anyone about it, not even Charles. So, I don’t know what happened between them or even how Darcy was able to cope with it. If it hadn’t been for those few seconds where I saw for myself the effect their break-up had on him, I almost would never have known that they had broken up. After that, though, we started seeing him more. He apologized for being absent but offered no explanation. He was back to socializing with us, back to being present, but he was never quite the same,” Anne finished, her tone sadder than before.
“I see,” Beth began. “I can’t imagine seeing him like that or watching him go through all of that alone. Thank you for telling me.”
“Of course! I hope it gave you some answers. I know I don’t know that many details, but I know that it definitely changed him, scarred him.”
“It helped, thank you. I won’t keep you any longer though. Thanks again, Anne,” Beth replied, gratefully.
“Sure!” Anne said, “And Beth, if he has told you more, hell, anything about her, I hope you know how big a step that is for him. Like, I said, none of us know anything about her or what happened.”
“I know,” Beth said softly, guilt starting to creep in for wanting to know more.
“He’s different since he met you. I finally start to see some emotion back in his eyes, even if it’s sometimes frustration.” She laughed a little. “They've been empty for a long time; he’s been empty for a long time.”
“Thanks, Anne,” Beth replied, her throat thick with emotion.
“Ok, I’ll talk to you later.”
“Bye.”
