Page 7 of Third Time is the Charm
Her desk phone began to ring before Beth had time to consider the answers, whether that was a blessing or an unwanted distraction from such introspection would have to be decided later.
Beth stared into her closet. Thisdate –her stomach clenching at the word – had brought about a whole new dilemma: what to wear? She packed very limited things before leaving New York, especially because most of her clothes had ended up at Darcy’s apartment and shedefinitelywasn’t going back there to get them.
He could burn them for all she cared.
She went out and bought some stuff downtown, but it was mostly… no, it was all for work because what else did she need clothes for? Certainly not to sit in her tiny apartment. Beth sighed, sliding the hangers back and forth along the rod for the fourth time, hoping a new choice would magically appear. It was times like these when she missed Jane; Jane would know what she should wear, what she should do. She couldn’t call her though. Jane didn’t know about Colin, except that he was her boss, and she wasn’t about to get into that conversation with her sister about who he was to her when the simple fact was that she didn’t know the answer to that herself.
“Whatever,” she mumbled, pulling out the only pair of jeans that she had – the ones she’d worn when she moved up here, and a light pink blouse that he’d seen her wear probably a hundred times to work.Oh well.
She didn’t feel like she was trying to impress him – not like with Darcy. There was no intense urgency to prove that she was ‘tolerable’. No, it was even sadder than that. She just didn’t want Colin to pity her – to look at her and realize that she had no life, that she’d lost herself because of Darcy.
Ok, maybe not all of herself, but she’d lost a lot.
She came to Boston as a shell. Not that she’d had that kind of love in her life before, but you can’t miss what you don’t have; when she found such an intoxicating yet toxic love with Darcy it consumed her, it filled in places that she didn’t know were empty, and then to have it taken away well, that kind of loss is crippling. Beth wouldn’t say she was running away – maybe in the beginning, but Darcy had left her… she had nothing to run from. No, she was running towards something – to Boston to start a new life – to start over, where no one knew her name. It was the only way she could fill herself back up again.
The truth was that he probably already saw it. Even though he’d missed her first four weeks in Boston, which were arguably the worst four weeks of her life, Beth doubted that four weeks had put much of a dent into her depression; there was no way he wouldn’t have noticed. But he never treated her with pity or excessive sympathy or like she was weak, although, knowing how much he cared meant that was probably very hard to do. As she put on her unimpressive outfit, she tried to remember the times she’d talked to him about Darcy, generally explaining what had happened, but she couldn’t.
Some things were better left forgotten.
Beth walked into her bathroom to see what could be done about her hair, sighing at the plain brown mess that greeted her in the mirror. Flipping on her straightener, she attempted to curl the ends of her hair to give it some sort of life. After a fifteen-minute attempt, she set the flat-iron down, flipped her head over and back, and took a look at the final result.
Not too bad.
Beth sighed; she didn’t have any make-up so this was as good as it was going to get. Taking a step back, she stood up on her toes, trying to see more of her outfit in the vanity mirror – she didn’t have a full-length one in the apartment.
Why would she? Who was she trying to impress?
No one.
Colin.
She turned away from her reflection at the thought. Col knew her, she didn’t need to impress him, he wanted to take her to dinner as she was. Maybe this was why she had never thought of him more than as a friend – because his relationship with her inspired no drive.
Unlike Darcy.
For as indubitably intolerable and as persistently proud as he was, he always expected more from her, not that he ever said it and not because he’d wanted it for himself, but because he wanted her to be better for herself. He–
Stop thinking about Darcy.
She groaned in frustration, almost tempted to call Colin and cancel the date for this reason alone – that every aspect of this type of scenario just reminded her ofhim; she couldn’t live with those reminders. Phone in hand, she looked at the time;Colin would be here any minute.
As if to punctuate her thought, a soft knock on the door startled her. Beth prayed that Colin’s physical presence would be enough to ward off any stray thoughts of the man who broke her heart.
“Coming!” She yelled, running her hands through her hair with one last glance at the bathroom mirror. She padded over to the door of her apartment, silently cursing that she’d forgotten to put her shoes on. Undoing the chain and deadbolt, she opened the door and was greeted by Colin’s smiling face.
“Hey,” he said, his dazzling smile spreading across his face.
Beth missed it all – the words, the eager happiness in his voice, the way his eyes looked at her appreciatively, his warm smile… She missed it all except the flowers.
A bouquet of pink tulips.
Suddenly, it was no longer Col at the door, but Darcy, tulips in hand intended for Jane from Charles. Her mouth went dry as whatever was left beating in her chest ached painfully.
“Beth, you ok?” Col’s voice echoed in the background, snapping her out of her déja-vu.
A smile bloomed on her face – the fake one that she’d spent months perfecting. She hated to use it on Col, but it was all she had. “Yes, these are just beautiful!” She exclaimed, trying to shove the memory of Jane’s tulips and the note that accompanied them as far away from her as possible.
“A beautiful woman deserves beautiful flowers,” was his response as he handed them to her.
