Page 25 of My Highland Rogue
“I was given the chance. My godmother took me to see London and also insisted on my having a season in Edinburgh. I did everything any young woman would do.”
“Except get married and have your own family.”
“There was no one I liked well enough to marry,” she said, giving him the truth. Besides, she’d held out hope that he would return. “Everyone was too interested in the fact that I was an earl’s sister. Not to mention that more than one suitor seemed interested in the legacy from myfather. What would I be bringing to the marriage? Not simply myself, but how much of an income could they expect?”
She turned and faced the loch. “Besides, how could I be sure that I wouldn’t be abandoned again?”
Perhaps that’s why she felt so sorry for Lauren. She knew what it felt like to love someone who left you.
“Jennifer.”
She moved back to stand in front of the bench.
“Forgive me. You’re right. I should have written you and asked.”
“You abandoned me, Gordon.”
“Not because I wanted to.”
He stood and walked toward her.
“Forgive me, Jennifer.”
He opened his arms and she walked into them. They stood like that for a long time until she stepped back and looked up at him.
What could she say? What words would soften the cruelty of that moment five years ago? All she could do was put her hand on his arm, connecting with him. The man wasn’t so far removed from the boy. Gordon’s pride had always been fierce.
The answer to why he’d stayed away was in his voice. He’d been told that he wasn’t good enough for her, and the shame of that had remained with him. Not only McBain had told him that, but his own father had evidently said something similar. The fact that Gordon had returned to Adaire Hall at all was an indication of the strength of his character.
She loved him. How could she not? Five years had not diminished those feelings. What did he feel for her? He hadn’t said and she wouldn’t ask.
The courage she felt earlier had dissipated, faded into nothing.
He could go back to London as easily as he came, without another word to her. He could leave and return to the life he’d created for himself and what would she do? Endure another abandonment?
She stepped back. She was determined not to let him see how emotional she felt. As a boy he’d always teased her when she cried.
“Jennifer.”
She turned and left him, walking as fast as she could back to the Hall. She half expected him to follow her, but he didn’t.
That made her cry even more.
Shame washed over Gordon.
He’d allowed McBain to tell him a story, and he’d believed it. Even worse, he’d never written Jennifer to get her side. Why, because he didn’t want to know? Anything was better than McBain’s version of events.
He had a great many burned bridges to rebuild.
The question was, could he?
As far as his grandiose plans about impressing her, she hadn’t even asked about his empire.
What had he thought to do, coming back to Adaire Hall? He’d wanted to mend the rift with Sean. Perhaps he’d even wanted to impress him, too. Finally, he would prove that he was as good as one of the Adaires.
More than that, he’d wanted to find out, once and for all, if he’d been a fool to keep Jennifer in his mind and heart all these years. He certainly hadn’t done anything to mend that rift tonight, had he?
He’d learned to change his destiny in London. He’d fought and scrapped for the future he’d wanted. The men he’d bested in London called him a rogue. As far as they were concerned, he was a Scottish ruffian who was determined to succeed, even if that meant he followed his own rules and not theirs.
