Page 13 of The Scottish Duke
What could she say to that? Nan was only stating the obvious.
“My father always said that I should try to see the best in every situation. That’s what I’m trying to do.”
“There’s a difference, Lorna, between looking for the best and seeing only what you want to see.” Nan returned to the straight-back chair. “I did what I thought would help you, Lorna. Not betray you. I can’t bear you living here.”
“Did you tell the duchess where I was?”
Nan nodded.
“You know what’s going to happen,” Lorna said. “The duke is going to be involved. He’s going to make some outlandish demand because he’s the Duke of Kinross.”
“Better than hear of his child starving to death.”
“There’s my father’s book,” she said.
Nan sat back, folded her arms and regarded her steadily.
“If none of my father’s friends respond to my letters, I’ll travel to London to see a publisher myself.”
“If your father couldn’t get his book published in his lifetime, what makes you think that you can?”
“Faith,” Lorna said.
“Faith won’t feed you and your baby, Lorna. Shouldn’t you be thinking of him? Shouldn’t you be less selfish?”
She stared at Nan, startled.
“Selfish? Is that what you think of me? Just because I don’t want charity?”
“Yes.” Nan leaned forward. “It isn’t charity, Lorna. It’s help, and you desperately need it. The duke could provide for the child.”
Lorna focused on the threadbare rug beneath her feet. Everything in the room was worn and well used, from the bureau with its ill-fitting drawers to the iron bed frame with its rust spots. Even the ewer and basin were chipped. Mrs.MacDonald, her landlady, was charging far more than the room was worth, but there hadn’t been many lodgings available for a woman six months pregnant.
She should have thought of the consequences at the time. When, though? When the duke was kissing her? Or when he led her to the conservatory and she tumbled onto the couch? Or when they shared a glance that held her rooted to the spot?
She’d been a virgin. Was becoming pregnant right away a normal situation?
She’d only told Nan that she succumbed to the duke’s advances, not that passion had stripped every bit of sense from her. How did she tell her that the night had been like a whirlwind, the power of desire confusing and mesmerizing her?
Sometimes she dreamed of him and woke feeling as if he’d seduced her again. She would lay in the bed staring up at the ceiling, feeling drained.
“I know you’re angry at me, Lorna.”
She wasn’t angry. She was terrified. Didn’t Nan know what she’d done? She had set into motion actions that she herself couldn’t alter.
Unless the duke didn’t believe her. Unless he considered that it was some kind of ploy, just as he had that night.
He hadn’t recognized her the next day. They passed in the corridor, her with a bucket and a scrub brush, tasked with refreshing the rug in the duchess’s sitting room. She would have ducked into one of the maids’ closets or the connection of staircases built so that the family never had to come face-to-face with a servant, but she was already there. She’d opened the door to the duchess’s suite and slipped inside, half waiting for him to say something.
Marie. Is that you?
But he hadn’t. Nor had he seen her on any subsequent encounter. For months she’d worried that he might recognize her, but that would have been difficult since he hadn’t once glanced in her direction.
She never returned to the conservatory again after her duties were done. Instead, she sat in their small room and worked on her father’s book, at least until she’d expended her oil for the week. Then she retired early, trying to bite back resentment because of the duke. It wasn’t enough that he’d seduced her, although if she were fair, she’d admit it was a mutual effort, but he’d taken away the little freedom and daily enjoyment she had.
The duke wouldn’t believe Nan’s words. The duchess, however, was an entirely different matter. How did she convince the woman that it had been a mistake?
The Dowager Duchess of Kinross was one of the sweetest people she’d ever met. Whenever she did something for the woman, the duchess made a point of thanking her. When she was new, the duchess had asked if she liked working at the castle. How did she feel about Mrs.McDermott? When she answered in the affirmative to both questions, the duchess smiled.
