Page 84 of Beautifully Broken
“Just tell us what you need from us,” Uncle Tony says as he strokes my hair.
"Right now I need you to be patient with me while I remember how to breathe normally," I say, taking another deep breath. The panic is receding, leaving behind the familiar exhaustion that follows these episodes.
"We have all the time in the world," Daddy murmurs against my hair. "No rush, no pressure."
"How are you feeling now?" Nonno asks.
"Shaky," I admit. "Embarrassed. Tired. But better." I squeeze Daddy's hand. "Thank you. All of you. For not making me feel crazy or weak."
"You're neither of those things," Uncle Tony says firmly. "You're a survivor who occasionally gets ambushed by old ghosts. There's a difference."
"A big difference," Nonno agrees. "And the fact that you can recognize what's happening, talk through it, and come back to yourself shows how much healing you've done. Eight years ago, would you have been able to do that?"
I think about it honestly. Eight years ago, I would have locked myself in a bathroom stall and had a complete breakdown alone, too ashamed to letanyone see me fall apart.
"No," I say quietly. "Eight years ago, I would have pretended I was fine, then spent the next week having nightmares."
"So this is actually progress," Daddy points out. "Messy, difficult progress, but progress nonetheless."
"I hate that this is what progress looks like," I say, but there's less venom in it now.
"Sometimes progress looks like falling apart safely instead of falling apart alone," Nonno says. "Sometimes it looks like trusting the people who love you to catch you when you stumble."
"And sometimes," Uncle Tony adds with a grin, "it looks like ugly crying in an airport family room while your men tell you how amazing you are."
That gets a real laugh outof me, surprising us all. "You're ridiculous."
"Yeah, but I made you laugh," he says proudly. "That's progress too."
"It is," Uncle Tony says firmly. "And not just because that bastard is six feet under. You're safe because you're not alone. You have us, and we'll never let anyone hurt you again."
The certainty in his voice, echoed in Daddy's arms around me and Nonno's steady presence, starts to penetrate the fog of panic. Slowly, gradually, my breathing begins to even out.
I lean into Daddy's embrace, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against my back. Uncle Tony's hand is still covering ours, his presence a comforting anchor. Nonno watches us with those wise green eyes, and I see nothing but love and acceptance there.
"I love you," I whisper, the words encompassing all three of them. "I love you so much it terrifies me sometimes."
"Good," Uncle Tony says with a grin. "Love should be a little terrifying. Means it matters."
"Profound words from the man who once said commitment was like a prison sentence," Daddy teases, and I can hear the relief in his voice that I'm returning to normal.
"Hey, that was before we got into this little … situation," Uncle Tony protests. "Sasha changed everything."
"We all changed everything," Nonno corrects gently. "Time saw us rediscovering each other when we needed it."
He's right. Eight years ago, I was newly broken up and dealing with all the things Trevor made me do since I was fourteen; I didn’t trust men. Daddy was divorced and convinced he'd never find love again. Uncle Tony was bouncing from relationship to relationship, the eternal playboy. And Nonno, brilliant and lonely, had resigned himself to a life of solitude after Nonna’s death when the twins were just teenagers.
Due to a case of temporary mistaken identity, too many spiked drinks, anger at Trevor, and Uncle Tony taking that first, daring step, we became what we are today.
"So," I say, sitting up straighter, "I believe someone mentioned a villawith a private pool?"
"That's my girl," Uncle Tony says with a grin. "Ready to get this vacation started for real?"
"More than ready," I reply, and I mean it. "Though I have one condition."
"Name it," Daddy says immediately.
"No more secrets. From any of us. If we're going to do this, if we're going to be a family, then we trust each other with everything. The good, the bad, and the ugly."
