Page 71 of Beautifully Broken
Smiling, I pull out my phone and see Ava still hasn’t responded. My stomach churns, hoping my response didn’t offend her, but it was true. I don’t need an orgasm every time. What I’d really love is for her to feel comfortable enough to let me inside her pretty little head a bit more, and if there’s something holding her back, maybe I can help her work through it.
Chapter 3
Ava Rose
I’ve lost track of how many split ends I’ve pulled apart while sinking farther into my favorite spot on the couch. The way yesterday ended with Braiden and his text that followed kept me awake all night, watching each hour pass. I thought I would handle it differently that time. Staying in the moment was working, giving me hope of following through, until his hands held my hips. Without control, my mind transported me back to the little girl held down to feel good for however long those teenage boys chose. Shouldn’t years of therapy have helped by now?
My core brews a mix of sexual frustration and disappointment. Every time I try, I fail. Braiden seems supportive, but he’s becoming distant with me getting him off. The past two weeks, he’s declined blow jobs saying they’re not necessary in order for us to have a close bond. My heart can’t handle if he’s starting to pull away, but I don’t blame him if that’s the case. I truly don’t know if I’ll ever get past my childhood trauma, and he’s not going to go a lifetime without sex. But again, I don’t want to, either.
With a sigh, I glance down at my school textbook, knowing this upcoming paper will help distract me today. I may be twenty, but moving out has been on the back burner. I like being at home with the family, and they’re gone most of the day anyway. When I graduate law school, I’ll find my own place…or move in with Braiden if things keep going well.
The front door opens, startling me, and my mom sets her work bag down.
“Hey, Mom, how was your shift?”
We don’t need the money, given my father is part of a billion-dollar hotel chain his grandparents started, but she loves working part time in the ER as a trauma nurse. Most of her income goes to her charity, helping children in thefoster system. Not all of them are lucky enough to find a stable family or even be provided with basic clothing and hygiene essentials.
“A typical full moon Friday night, and I had to stay late this morning.” She’s usually home just after seven, and it’s past nine. “A huge university party happened, and kids took mixing alcohol and drugs way too far.” She walks over, sensing my closed-off position, with my arms wrapped around my drawn-up legs. “It was chaos.”
“Sounds like a lot of stomach pumping.”
With a sigh, she nods and heads to the kitchen.
“And a couple close calls.” Grabbing my favorite chocolate, she walks back over, handing me the treat and settling next to me. “How can I help you relax with whatever’s bugging you?” Chocolate for breakfast was a smart first move.
“I want to have sex with Braiden, but…”
She waits quietly while I think.
“I inevitably stop us every timehishands or mouth wander. I keep trying, but then…it’s just embarrassing.” Frustration strangles my ribs.
“He doesn’t make you feel ashamed, right?” She knows how sweet he is, but people can be different behind closed doors, and she’s doing her rightful duty by asking as a mother. It helps that she lived a similar experience in the foster system.
“No.” My voice is a little too loud. “He blames himself, like he’s the one who read the signs wrong. And now, he’s been reserved about me getting him off.” I love having this close of a relationship with my mother, but insecurity creeps in, dropping my gut.
“You’ve been to hell and back, Ava Rose. Even if your mind seems in a better place and you can talk to me about everything, it’s normal for your body to respond differently.” I’ve been openly talking to her about this since I was nine, when she figured out the cause of my frequent hospital visits.
“Or he’s losing interest and doesn’t want me to touch him.”
Her hand takes mine as she looks me directly in the eyes.
“Or he feels it’s an uneven playing field. If you can’t enjoy the pleasure, then maybe he doesn't want to, either.”
“But he’s not the one with issues to work through. I’m fine tending to his...needs… Goodness, that sounds so cheesy.”
“Touching his dick isn’t an issue. Got it.” She smirks. “Have you told himanythingso he can help you work through this or understand the situation?”
“No. Him knowing my past shouldn’t make a difference to howIreact to him. He doesn’t even know I’m adopted.” The fact that I look like my mother, with blonde hair and a tall, lean body, gives no reason for people to question it.
“That man has gone above and beyond with thoughtfulness on multiple occasions.” My mother’s green eyes light up. “I swooned when he told me the picnic plans and asked for food ideas.” My cheeks heat with my smile, and I know I’m turning red.
“He truly cares about me as a person. I just don’t know how to bring up the conversation.”
“You know he’ll take you seriously and want to help. Braiden pays attention to detail, and if he’s aware of what makes you tick, he’ll do his best to help you through it. I don’t have a single doubt in my mind that this man would never intentionally shame you or pressure you into anything.” She’s right. Taking a breath, I hand her a piece of chocolate. “Him knowing might have him approach the physical part differently. Start by telling him there’s something you need to talk about. Share what feels right in the moment, honey.”
“I know. I guess I needed extra confirmation from you that he’s safe.” I giggle softly. “My therapist said it’s up to me to make the choice when having sex with him will happen. She can’t take my place and do the task for me.”
“And you wouldn’t want her to.” My eyes go wide as I shake my head.
