Page 19 of Beautifully Broken
“The day I left was the second worst day of my life. I had nowhere to go, but every mile that passed as I drove away from Ripper Valley felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. Please believe me when I say that I truly believed Carson would leave you alone. If I would have known his intentions, I wouldn’t have left. I was heartbroken, but I knew the first thing I needed to do was get clean, so one day, if I found my way back to you, I would have a chance.”
Blaire nods and I continue, “Somehow I found myself in New York City. I was living on the streets and quickly found out getting sober was going to be almost impossible. I tried to get clean on my own, but the withdrawals mademe hallucinate demons I tried to tell myself didn’t exist, but my body wouldn’t listen.”
Memories fly through my mind like a bloody carousel, spinning at top speed, and I tilt my head back to rest on the headboard.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I keep my eyes fixed on the ceiling. “I used to blame the hallucinations, the drugs, and whatever sick individual that threatened me for what I became. But I soon realized while I was pointing fingers at others, one was always pointing back at myself and that was who was the true culprit of the destruction I caused.”
Blaire shifts in my arms and I tighten my hold on her, squeezing my eyes shut as panic rises in my chest. “My hands are stained with the blood of thousands. Most, at first, were those who tried to kill me for whatever drug I could get my hands on. But soon, it became an almost instant decision. If they looked like they were up to something, they were dead within the hour. The name Ripper of the Upper West Side started circulating and, before I knew it, I was being approached by faceless men with a pocket of cash and a photo of my next kill.”
“Eventually, all the cash added up to get me a place to live. I told myself to stop. That it was just a means to an end, but I couldn’t. I was addicted. It was the only thing that stopped me from running back to Ripper Valley and dragging you away from that fucking town because I thought you were better off. Because you loved me through one addiction, but there was no way you could love me through one that was rooted in bloodlust.
“The years bled into the next until one day when I finally heard back from the PI I hired to check on you. He said you looked like an average small-town girl and Carson was still the King of the Valley. He said you looked happy, so I figured Carson kept good on his promise, but he—”
“Didn’t see that he was slowly killing me from the inside.” Blaire’s small voice interrupts me and I tear my gaze away from the ceiling.
Her eyes are bloodshot and her thumb swipes away a tear falling down my cheek. “I’m so sorry.”
“I know.”
My head drops to hers and I let out a sigh. My chest shakes as sadness, anger, and guilt consume me.
“Keep going. I need to know everything.”
I shake my head against hers. She’s right.
Leaning back, I stare into her darkened gaze, knowing my next words could change everything.
“I couldn’t stop. I tried, but the high was too addicting. Then Andi came into my life. I thought she was a setup from the NYPD at first. But I couldn’t have been more wrong. She works for an underground agency that rescues hundreds of victims a year while delivering the proper punishment to their captors. To this day, I have no idea why she sought me out, but I owe her my life.
“She gave me one choice. Get sober and work for her, or she would kill me. Instantly, your face flashed in my mind and I knew if I got sober, maybe I had a chance at winning you back. So I got sober and morphed into a person I didn’t recognize. The things I saw. The people I killed. Who I became was far scarier than the man living in his car shooting god knows what into his veins and killing for the hell of it.”
My entire body lights on fire and I climb out from behind Blaire. It feels as if the room is closing in on me and a bead of sweat drips down my forehead. My feet pace in a circle on the carpet before I tear my shirt over my head and drop to my knees before Blaire, resting my head on her knees.
Blaire cups my face in her hands and tilts my head to look up at her. “EJ. Get up. You don’t have to do this.”
“Ivy. You don’t understand. I kill without abandon and get high on the fact that I am the last face they see before they enter the gates of hell. I crave it. I need it. But I need you more. And I am fucking scared that once you get a glimpse of the monster I truly am, you will hate me even more than you already do. I wanted to be better for you. I thought I could just walk away. That’s why I came to you, but I was wrong. After seeing what Carson did to you, the craving came back.
“I want to kill him. I want to wrap my hands around his neck and watch the life drain from his fucking face, then bring him back just before he dies, so I can cut him to pieces inch by inch.”
Blaire’s eyes go wide and her face slightly pales.
Fuck. I knew it. She can see how crazy I am. Dammit!
My chest tightens and my skin feels as if a million fire ants are biting me at the same time. Tears cloud my vision, but my gaze stays locked on Blaire. “I’m sorry Ivy. I’m sorry I left you with that monster. I’m sorry for becoming someone just as bad as him. But please give me a chance. I swear I will never lay an unwanted finger on you. I promise I will protect you until my last dying breath. Please give me a chance. I–I love you.” My head drops to her lap and a thick silence fills the room.
After what feels like an eternity, Blaire brushes her thumb against my cheek. Slowly I lift my head and my heart breaks at her bloodshot eyes staring down at me.
“I—” I go to speak, but she cuts me off.
“Let me speak.” I nod and she continues, “Carson is a monster. He is the devil in disguise and has made my life hell for the past decade. Even when I hated you, every day I wished you would come and drag me away from Ripper Valley. And then you did. Unfortunately, by that time you did, I was already damaged beyond repair. I am spoiled goods because of my brother. I hate looking at myself in the mirror, because every time I do, I see what he and his goons did to me.
“Then you touched me and it all went away. I hate the man you have become, but I also hate the woman I have become. But I would be a hypocrite to sit here and say that I can’t accept your new lifestyle when, deep down, I feel the same. I want to kill every last one of those men back in Ripper Valley, and I want to end with my brother as icing on top of the revenge cake.
“I have no fucking clue what the next few hours, days, months will look like because, frankly, you scare the shit out of me. What I do know the man I once loved is still behind that thick, ivy coated skin of yours. And in the spirit of honesty, you are the only shot I have at getting revenge. So if that means working together, I will do whatever I have to do to make sure my brother takes his last breath before he takes mine.”
My mind races a mile a minute as Blaire searches my face for a reaction.
Sorry baby, you are about to be just as confused as I am because that was not what I was expecting you to say at all.
