Page 123 of Beautifully Broken
Padding out into the room, I quietly grab my laptop out of my suitcase. I sit at the small table in the corner and turn it on. Bringing up the web browser, I search for local facilities that focus on eating disorders.
I’ve been able to narrow my choices down to two options when Trevor wakes up.
“Morning,” he says with a yawn.
I glance up from my screen with a smile. “Morning.”
He comes over and drops a kiss on my forehead. “How are you feeling?” Trevor moves to sit at the end of the bed.
“Not great,” I admit, honestly.
He nods. “Understandable. How about I get us some coffee?”
“That would be amazing. Thank you.” I smile at him.
With Trevor out of the room, I call both facilities in private to inquire about availability and exactly what they treat and how.
It’s not that I don’t want Trevor here with me, but I need to do this on my own. Having a support system is crucial, but taking the initiative on my own means I am in control of this decision, not being influenced by anyone else.
By the time Trevor comes back, I’ve made my choice. The facility has an opening today, so my next call is to the front desk to cancel my room for tonight.
“Here you go,” Trevor says as he sets my coffee down.
“Thank you. This is much needed.” I take a sip before talking again. “So, I have something to tell you.”
Trevor puts his coffee down, taking a seat at the edge of the bed again, turning his attention solely on me. “Okay, what is it?”
Getting up from the table, I move to sit next to him. “I am going to be checking myself into a treatment facility for an eating disorder. I’ve been battling this on my own for years and it’s about time I get the help I need.”
He laces his fingers with mine. “I’m so sorry, Soph. Why didn’t you say anything?”
I lift one shoulder. “Honestly, it’s embarrassing. I thought it was something I could handle on my own. I don’t want to be the broken girl and each time I threw up, another piece of me broke. I thought I was weak and needed fixing. But I wanted to do the fixing or have my mom help me. That isn't happening, so I need to do this for myself.”
He wraps an arm around my shoulders. “You are not broken. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m so proud you decided to get help on your own.”
I lean into him. “Thank you. That means a lot.”
“Whatever I can do to be there for you, I will,” he says, rubbing his hand up and down my arm. “If you want me to be.”
I nod. “I’d like that. The place I’m going to has family and friend’s day so it would be nice to have a visitor.”
He leans his head on top of mine. “Done. And if you need anything else, you let me know.”
I’m glad he said that, because I do need something from him.
I move to face him. “Actually, there is something.” I play with the hem of my shirt. “If I write a letter to my mom, can you give it to her?”
He raises both eyebrows in shock. “If you want me to, I will.”
“Thank you,” I say, getting up and going over to my bag.
I pull out the small notebook and take the seat I was in at the table.
Trevor gets up off the bed. “I’m going to give you some time to write that. I’m going to grab a shower at home and come back. Okay?”
I get up and walk over to him, sliding my arms around his waist. “Thank you. I’m glad you came here last night.”
He slides his arms around me, hugging me back. “I’m glad I did too. I’ll be back.” He places a kiss on my cheek before leaving.
