Page 11 of Stat: Love In Scrubs
“Is that so?” I asked her.
She nodded. We had gone on at least four different rides, and I watched as she played with different Lego sets before I took her to get a snack from the concession stand. We were now seated at one of the picnic tables as she licked her ice cream cone. Bits of ice cream coated the corners of her mouth and her cheeks. The sugar had made her cheeks rosy, and she kept bouncing in her seat, making the picnic table wobble with each excited movement. I was just glad she was having a good time.
“I want to do more stuff like this.”
I tilted my head to the side, listening intently to what she had to say.
“You don’t do things like this with Grandma and Papa?” I asked.
“Yeah, but I want to do them with you.”
She didn’t have to say more. I heard her loud and clear. Just as I was about to reply, my phone buzzed, stopping all communication briefly. I reached into my pocket and realized it was the hospital. It had to be an emergency because they knew I had left because my daughter was not feeling well.
I quickly answered. “Dr. Wilder.”
“Hey Doc, I hate to interrupt you, and I hope Esa is feeling better. Your clients, the Johnsons, are here, and she has gone into early labor. We’re trying to slow it down, but she has been asking for you. If you can’t come in, we can let her know someone else on staff is just as qualified, but when it comes to childbirth, while being black. She’s scared and asking for you specifically. You know how it is—when they’re already high-risk, trust matters more than anything.”
I nodded, although I knew she couldn’t see me. I knew what I was doing the moment she told me they were trying to slow down the arrival of Mrs. Johnson’s baby. She was already a high-risk pregnancy, and the baby trying to come this early wasn’t the best.
“You don’t have to make up an excuse. I’ll be there as soon as possible. I need to call my mother so she can get Esa. Thanks for calling.”
I returned my attention to Esa, who now held a somber expression. I hated that yet again my job had cut our time short. I also held an obligation to my clients. They trusted me when I told them I would be there. Not to mention, this was a life-or-death situation.
“I’m sorry, Bean. We’re going to have to cut things short. Daddy has an emergency at work. Another mommy needs my help with giving birth to her baby.”
Esa’s eyes fell flat. The vibrant little girl I had been running around with today was no longer present.
“Can’t someone else help the mommy?” she asked quietly, not looking at me. “Just this once?”
The hope in her voice nearly broke me. “I wish they could, baby. But this mommy asked for me specifically, and sometimes...” I trailed off, realizing there was no way to explain this that wouldn’t hurt her more.
She stared at her melting ice cream for a long moment, then slowly started cleaning up her things. No more questions, no arguments—just quiet acceptance. I’d take a tantrum over that flat voice any day. At least tantrums meant she still believed in me.
I couldn’t find the words beyond my usual apology, which I knew was beginning to not be good enough. Days like today made me feel like I was failing Veronica and Esa.
I had more than one purpose in life. I guess this was what they spoke about in medical school. They would let us know we would find ourselves missing out on moments like this to help others. I guess when they used to say it back then, it wasn’t a concern because I was a single man, but the moment Veronica came into my life, then Esa, everything changed.
I stood and helped Esa clear the picnic table, then reached a hand out to hold hers.
“I’m a big girl, Dad,” she told me, leaving my open hand where it was. The way she said ‘Dad’ instead of ‘Daddy’ cut deep. She was already pulling away, protecting herself the only way a six-year-old knew how.
I nodded and stuffed my hands into my pockets. Another mental note to add to the growing list of ways I’d failed her this month. The promises were piling up faster than I could keep them. I knew she wasn’t feeling me currently because any other time, she would have raced to take hold of my hand. I made a mental note to make it up to her.
The drive to my mother’s was quiet. No singing and no laughter like earlier. The moment I pulled into the driveway and placed the car in park, Esa had removed her seatbelt and rushed up the steps of my parents’ home. I strolled silently behind her as the door pulled back to reveal my dad with a sympathetic look.
Esa gave him a hug and a kiss, then ran inside, leaving my ass hanging. Driving away, I kept seeing her face. That look said I’d failed her. And for the first time in a long time, I wanted to talk about it. Not with my parents. With Yara. Not to distract myself with sex. Just… to talk. And that scared me more than anything.
“Looks like she ain’t fucking with you today.” My dad joked, trying to get a smile out of me.
I couldn’t find it in me to get the joke in it all, but that was my dad. Whenever things felt heavy, he lightened the moment.
“I hear you, Pops. Can y’all give her a little extra love today? Seeing as I failed on that front today.”
My pops nodded, then stepped out of the house to walk me back to the car. He knew I was pressed for time.
“She may not understand now, but she will get it later, and you will get better at choosing your family with time. I understand your job is a vital part of your healing, but soon you’re going to have to pick which moments matter the most.”
I didn’t say a word, just nodded, then got into my truck. My dad had watched me struggle with this same choice for years—saw me slowly choosing work over everything else, just like he’d warned me not to do.
