Page 1 of Swipe Right on the Alpha
Chapter 1
“And that, my faithful disaster witnesses, concludes the saga of Hot Yoga Guy, who—plot twist—turned out to be married… to his yoga studio. I’m pretty sure he attempted to seduce me with tantric breathing techniques, which might have worked if he hadn’t called out his business’s tax ID number during climax.”
Aiden Reynolds squinted at his phone screen, the blue light highlighting his features as he finished his Instagram live session from the comfort of his bed. His bare torso was strategically visible just above the edge of his crisp white sheets—a calculated thirst trap that kept his 347,000 followers engaged through even his most pathetic dating stories.
He read through the flood of comments racing up his screen:
“OMG AIDEN YOUR DATING LIFE IS MY THERAPY”
“how are you still single tho???”
“I volunteer as tribute to be your next disaster!”
Aiden smirked, running a hand through his artfully tousled brown hair. “And that’s why we drink on Thursdays, folks. Dating disaster number—what are we at now?—seventy-three? Seventy-four? Anyway, same time next week when I’ll tell you about whoever disappoints me next! Peace, love, and better dating choices than mine!”
He ended the stream and flopped back against his pillows with a dramatic sigh. The carefully curated persona fell away instantly as he stared at his ceiling. What had started three years ago as a cathartic way to process a devastating breakup hadsomehow morphed into a lucrative career of professional dating disasters. The problem? He was starting to wonder if he was manifesting his own bad luck.
Another night, another dating horror story, another sponsored post opportunity for whatever miracle hangover cure slides into my DMs tomorrow,Aiden thought, reaching for the half-empty wine glass on his nightstand.
His phone pinged with a text from Mason, his roommate and best friend since college:
MASON: Just watched your live. Yoga guy really said his TAX ID?
AIDEN: I wish I was creative enough to make this shit up
MASON: Maybe stop finding dates at specialty fitness studios?
AIDEN: But that’s where the abs live, Mason
MASON: Have you tried that new dating app everyone’s talking about? Luna something?
AIDEN: Because apps have worked SO well for me before
MASON: This one’s different. Super exclusive. Matches based on “cosmic compatibility” or some shit
Aiden snorted but found himself opening the App Store anyway. Three more sips of wine later, he was downloading “LunaLove” – the sleek interface featuring a stylized moon and the tagline “Find Your Perfect Mate Under the Same Moon.”
Perfect mate? I’d settle for ‘doesn’t have a secret family’ or ‘can maintain eye contact instead of staring at my follower count’,he thought.
The app opened with an unusually elegant animation of a moon phase cycle before prompting him to create a profile. Aiden’s eyebrows rose progressively higher as he scrolled through the strangely specific questions:
“How do you feel about the full moon?”
? Energized
? Restless
? Primal
? Whatever, it’s just a moon
He tapped the last option.
“Do you prefer partners who are:
? Fiercely loyal
? Independent
