Page 67 of Karma
She swallows, lets out a shaky breath, and moves another step backwards. “He was shocked at the way you reacted to the wedding. Lex and I both told him you wouldn’t be happy, but he didn’t think you’d do anything.”
“I shouldn’t have.”
“Lex pointed out that it’s the exact reaction you had to every birthday party I tried to throw for her. He looked us dead in the eyes and said it was never that bad.”
It hurts to hear. Everything Emma says is true, and Zane knows he’s been a total bastard to the women who tried to help him for most of his life. “I took everything out on her.”
“You did. When he said that, I lost it. I always believed he loved Lex and just didn’t feel he could express it. Either hechanged, or I’ve been wrong about him Lex’s entire life. At this point, I don’t really know.”
“Mom may have been poisoned,” he says, not really sure of the best response to Emma’s assessment of his father. He has no defense.
Her eyes widen, and he’s struck by how much she looks like Lex. He and Phillip look like VP, but Lex looks very much like her mother.
“What?”
“Did you ever know about Phillip? Or, Nero?”
“Not until Lex was attacked.”
He blinks, and it hits him. “You didn’t have protection detail?”
“Why would I need that?”
“Because he targeted women with blonde hair and blue eyes.”
Stunned, she gapes at him. “Really?”
What the fuck happened to you, Dad? This isn’t you.
“Yeah, his own mother had blonde hair and blue eyes. She was one of his first victims, but my mom may have been his first. Another confession our brother made to Lex. He wanted to kill us, and he told her that he replaced Mom’s medicine with poison.”
“How old was he?”
“Um, he would’ve been, like, ten or eleven, I think. I don’t know how much we should trust the word of a psychopath, but I do remember him.” He lets out an awkward chuckle. “I thought he was my imaginary friend.”
Her jaw drops, and she just gapes at him. He can’t really blame her for not having a response. What does someone say to that?”
“It kind of changed my perspective on things. Plus, the time away has really forced me to face my actions. I really am sorry, Emma. I’ve been angry most of my life, and I’ve taken it out on everyone who didn’t deserve it because I never felt right being angry with Mom. Or Lane.”
Emma sighs. “It has to be difficult to be upset with them when they’re not here anymore. But them not being here is exactly why you’re upset. It’s like getting so angry you cry, but then you become angry you’re crying, and you can’t get out of the cycle of madness.”
He chuckles. “Yeah, I guess so. Look, I know you tried, and I appreciate it. Especially because I sure as hell don’t deserve it. I’ve really fucked up my life, and I’m scared I’ve done too much damage to come back from.”
“I think it’ll take time, but I think you can redeem yourself. If you really want to.” Holding up the lilies, she gives him a small smile. “I’m going to set these on Lane’s grave, and then I’ll be gone. You should spend time with them.”
Emma walks over to set the lilies down against Lane’s headstone, kisses her fingers, and taps them on the top before walking away.
Sniffling, Zane walks over and sets the flowers beside Margaret’s headstone, and he kicks himself for not thinking to bring anything. It feels like his mom just watched the encounter with Emma, and he doesn’t know what else to say to her right now.
“Hey, baby,” he says as he walks the few feet to Lane’s grave. “It’s been too long since I was last here, but I guess you can say I hit rock bottom. Crashed my bike, did some pretty bad damage to myself, but this is the first time in a long time I’ve felt something besides anger.”
Tears sting his eyes again, and he blinks them away. The last thing he wants to do is cry, but he suspects it’s pointless to stop them. Not when he has yet to read the letter Lex gave him.
“I’m so fucking pissed at you for leaving me,” he says, his voice lowering to a whisper. “I know it’s not your fault, but this wasn’t supposed to be our ending.”
He looks up at the night sky and replays the last months of her life. How she’d told him she didn’t want to fight anymore and made Lex her power of attorney. Watching her fade away were the worst moments of his entire life.
“I hate feeling powerless, and you took away any power I had to help you. I had to just… I don’t even know. Watch you die, I guess. That really fucked me up. I miss you so goddamn much that I ache. Sometimes, I can’t move because of how much it hurts missing you. But the times when it’s better, and I can focus on something other than missing you, I feel guilty.”
