Page 10 of Healer
A place that worried me for some reason.
It worried me a lot.
Chapter 5 Agnes
Soreness.
Not just my hands. My entire body throbbed like I’d been run over by a truck.
Granted, the discomfort came most likely because I’d slept on the floor of a cave last night, but it served as a vivid reminder of what my future held. I don’t think Hakkar slept at all. He sat all night at the cave’s entrance, ever watchful. I got the sense he feared I’d wander to the cliff’s edge again.
I’d allowed myself a moment of hope yesterday when Hakkar described the Medi-unit’s capabilities.
I should have known better. This death sentence had been engraved in my bones at birth.
Hakkar glanced back, his lips curling into a faint smile. His gaze hadn’t traveled far from me today. He seemed much more concerned about my safety than yesterday, and rightly so.
I lied when I told him I’d gone to the cliff’s edge to take in the view. Granted, I’d only left the cave upon hearing a strange chittering that had me imagining the worst about alien rodents. But standing on the edge, staring down at the rushing teal-blue river, with the cool breeze flickering through my hair, I’d felt a deep longing.
Not for death.
I’d spent my entire life and career fighting against the ravages of disease and injury.
No. What I longed for most was peace.
I longed for freedom from dread and worry.
Freedom from the constant reminder that my life possessed an expiration date. A painful, debilitating expiration date. Freedom from the pity, regret, and duty my friends would feel when they learned of my illness and struggled to care for me.
And they would care for me—it was one worry I didn’t suffer.
I just didn’t want it.
I’d rather go out from the dangers of an alien jungle than think of my friends dealing with muscle paralysis, slurred speech, and incontinence that accompanies late-stage ALS.
Being on that cliff, I felt one step away from freedom—one step away from worry and pain—but something I’d never considered stopped me.
Hakkar.
Not the sound of his voice, although my name falling from his lips, gave me an odd sense of peace. It was the thought of how he would react to finding me missing. His frantic nature when he returned to find me gone from the cave, proof enough of how he’d search for me. He’d take my death as a personal failure, and I just couldn’t do that to him.
We left the cave at dawn after Hakkar worried over my pitiful excuse for shoes yet again. He led us slower this time, repeatedly cautioning for silence due to the bigger predators known to exist in this area of the jungle. The foliage certainly grew thicker. Hues of blue, green, and purple dotted here and there by the brightness of blossoms and the scurry of tiny creatures. The air felt hotter than yesterday holding fragrances of pungent earth and exotic flowers. Thick humidity hinted that rain approached—though it never fell—and bugs lurked under every leaf. Thankfully, the insects left me alone, not yet developing a taste for human flesh. They left Hakkar alone as well, perhaps because of the large, flat purple leaf he rubbed overhis chest and arms or perhaps because of his spicy male scent, the only thing that overpowered the loam of the jungle.
I quite enjoyed watching him move the leaf over his skin, muscles rippling. I might be dying, but I wasn’t dead yet, and my eyes worked just fine. Jamie Fraser didn’t havesquaton Hakkar. All muscles and broad shoulders with those gorgeous golden eyes and the sexiest mullet I’d ever seen. Due to the heat, Hakkar discarded his leather-like vest, revealing chevrons curving over his broad shoulders that resembled Nike swooshes. The black swathes shimmered in the sunlight, as though oil coated that part of his pelt. I wassonot going to let myself ogle the gorgeous muscular ass that flexed as he walked ahead. Not to mention those thighs….
My mouth felt dry, and fifteen years of medical training wouldn’t let me pretend it was due to the heat.
“Is there water left?” I croaked, reaching out to touch his bicep because, well... why not?
“Some.” Hakkar took the waterskin from around his neck, pulling me toward the shade of a nearby tree—a strange plant that looked like a palm and oak had a baby. “I can hear water up ahead. We can refill the skins and drink our fill.”
I wondered if the river held the same type of water as the sip flowing over my tongue. It was thicker than earth water and sweeter, like someone had added a good-sized dollop of honey. Despite my best efforts, it dribbled down my chin, landing in lukewarm plops on my dress, which caused me to glance downward.
The pale gray dress was nasty, ripped here and there, and my shoes were falling apart at the seams. Based on the sweaty, grimy feeling that covered my skin and hair... I didn’t want to think what I must look like. If Hakkar was Tarzan in this jungle, I certainly didn’t merit classification as Jane, more like Cheetah. A dirty, stinky Cheetah.
“I can carry you if your feet hurt,” Hakkar offered, misreading my frown.
“I’m okay.” For now, at least, but with the terrain we traveled, I’d be barefoot in another day.
