Page 10 of Drive Me Wild
“Of course, you unpack your books first.”
“You know me well.”
“Did you have room in your car for anything else?”
“What else do I need in life?”
I sit on the floor where I had been standing. “Thank you for giving me a place to land. I need to figure some things out.”
“Like what?” She drapes herself across the bed and rests her head on one hand.
“Like, what am I doing with my life? You know? This is an important moment. A threshold I’m crossing over.”
“Wow. You make it sound serious.”
“Itisserious. I will never move out of the house for the first time ever again. I will never be at a crossroads with my business ever again.”
“What do you mean, crossroads? I thought you’d figured out how to make things work after being banished from that evil online marketplace.”
“Even though I was able to build my own website and recover some of my clients, things haven’t bounced back, and I’m not sure…”
I look at the shelves. I brought more books than clothes, pictures, or anything else I had in my life back home.
“Okay. Here goes.” I suck in a breath and put words to the feelings I’ve been holding onto for months. “I’m not sure I want to sell digital downloads anymore. I’m not sure I want to build the educational empire I thought I was building.”
“You said that like you were afraid to tell me.”
I look up at Renée as she’s sliding off the bed to sit on the floor next to me.
“Are you afraid of what I would say?”
“God, no. Not exactly.”
“I don’t understand.”
I stare into my best friend’s eyes and wonder what she would think if she knew that last spring, I’d given voice to my feelings to another person. Someone who wasn’t my trusted confidant but a man whose dark eyes and thick hands I could lose myself in—if only I weren’t trying to find my ‘forever man.’
While Renée was dealing with the aftermath of her ex-boyfriend showing up and making a scene at the Owl Creek summer season kickoff show, I was talking with Caleb. And I’d let it slip that I wanted to have more in my life than what came easy to me.
I don’t know why I told him, except that he had just stood by me to protect me in case things got crazy with Renée’s ex. He made me feel safe. So I blurted out something that feltunsafeto say aloud.
And ever since that night, I’ve allowed myself to dream that I could have something more. But instead of telling my best friend, I told no one. I hid it like a treasure I didn’t want anyone to know about so they wouldn’t try to steal it from me.
Because even though my business was successful until earlier this year, and it allowed me to save some money and help out my mom, it’s not something I love doing.
I’m just good at it.
People keep reminding me that I’m lucky and should be grateful that something comes easily for me. I didn’t have to go to college to create a business that sustains me. To want to give it up seems ludicrous to them.
But to me, it feels like evolution.
“I am afraid of being asked questions about what it would mean to give up my business. Because I don’t have answers.”
“You’ve never liked not having the answers.”
“No. I haven’t.”
“What do you want to do about it?”
