Page 56 of Drive Me Wild
I bit my tongue when she took a sip of hers, not wanting to explain why today wasn’t the right day for cocoa.
An hour later, we were on the road. I turned on some music, and we drove without talking for a few minutes while Zoe sent emails on her phone asking for letters of recommendation. The sun was out but low in the sky, its rays not reaching over the tops of the tallest cedars. One side of the road was still sparkling with frost, and I mentally calculated how many more days before the streets stayed frosted all day.
That’s when I’ll need to make sure I’m fully staffed with someone trained on the tow truck. My last guy left in the spring, and I haven’t bothered to replace him.
“Thanks for the pep talk last night.”
Zoe’s voice breaks through the wailing sounds of guitars. I turn the music down and steal a glance at her.
“Do you feel better?”
“Mmm…yes and sort of no. I’m still worried that no matter how well I write this, I’m too much of a credit risk. Those books you brought me were helpful but filled me with doubt.”
“Shit. Sorry.”
“No, Caleb. I don’t mean it like that. I mean, they are full of helpful information. But the way the authors discuss how the bank views you as a risk… is messing with my confidence. That’s why I was up so late last night. Trying to align all the data and my plans with the advice they give.”
“Sure you’re up for this? We can turn around.”
She reaches over and squeezes my thigh. “I want to know this part of you.”
I feel my chest open up as if a balloon is expanding inside.
“I don’t race anymore.”
“I know, but it’s still a big part of you. How many years did you spend building and racing cars?”
“Ten.”
“So that’s ten years of history and—”
“It means a lot to me that you want to know me.”
“I don’t…I don’t understand.” She pulls her hand off my thigh, and I instantly feel cold where she was touching me. “We’re in a relationship, aren’t we?”
“Yes. That’s…wait…I didn’t mean…crap, I’m not good at this.”
She shifts away from me in her seat. “Good at what?”
“Talking about relationship stuff. I’ve never done this before.”
“So you really haven’t ever been in a relationship?”
“Not as an adult. I had a few girlfriends in high school, but those were childish, short-term things. Nothing real. Not like this.” I steal a glance her way.
“What do you mean about getting to know you?”
“That’s the thing. I got labeled early on as a player. So if someone wanted a good time, they tried to hang out with me, but girls…women who were interested in something more…they avoided me.
And then I suppose I accepted it. That’s who I am. Everyone must see something in me that made it so I wasn’t the guy you have a relationship with. I wasn’t the guy you get to know. No one has ever gotten to know me, Zoe. And all summer, I’ve been getting to know myself.”
“So, who are you? Who is the guy driving me to the racetrack?”
The balloon in my chest expands, and I feel lighter than I have felt for years.
“I like figuring out how things work. And I like that in some ways, by working on something, maybe it’s a machine or even a plant…” I run my hand over my face. “This is embarrassing.”
“Hey,” she reaches over and puts her hand back on my thigh. “I want to know. And it’s only embarrassing because you’re forgetting that I’m not going to shame you for it.”
