Page 72 of Drive Me Wild
Me:I’m afraid
Avery:No offense, but that’s part of being a grown-up
Me:You’ve been spending too much time with Renée
Avery:lol, yeah
I turn over on my side and scroll through social media to distract myself. I come across one of those relationship influencers I love to follow. She’s talking about fear, failure, and learning, and something about what she’s saying hits like a perfectly aimed arrow right in the one spot of my armor that is missing, jolting me upright.
I’m acting like a fool.
Everything that my mom, Renée, and Avery have said is true. If I want to be a grown woman with a business, husband, and family, I can’t act like a teenager sulking when her boyfriend used to date the pretty cheerleader.
I’m in the wrong here.
I slide off the bed and pack up a bag of things that I want to bring back with me to Owl Creek, then text my mom to tell her I’m leaving.
Then I call Caleb and leave him a voice message, asking if I can come over to talk after he closes up the shop.
As I’m pulling onto the highway connecting Downsville to Owl Creek, he texts me an all-caps YES.
I have to apologize. I have to let him know that I’m sorry I doubted him and how much of a fool I’ve been. I have to let him know that I’m going to work on my insecurities.
And maybe finding my father will help me with that.
When I get back to my apartment, I strip down and take a long shower. I wash my hair, shave, and scrub my skin thoroughly. When I emerge, I’m pink and squeaky clean, and then I lather up with my favorite vanilla lotion. After choosing a cute sweater and jeans that hug my figure, I style my hair and put on a touch of makeup.
Though I want to look good, I don’t want to show up looking like Laura. I’m not a bombshell with perfect everything. I’m averagely pretty, and I want to show up that way.
Just me.
I grab a coat and drive the short distance to the garage, parking in the lot. He’s closed up shop for the day, and I gave him enough time to shower before I came.
My stomach is dancing the tango, and my hands are slippery as I release the steering wheel. This is it—time to be a real adult.
The air is chilly as I walk between his building and the hardware store next door, standing waiting for him to answer my knock. Nightfall is earlier now, and the sun doesn’t quite warm the air enough when it’s out.
I hear his heavy footsteps, and then he opens the door. Before I can say anything, he reaches for me and pulls me in. His arms wrap around me, and I feel the heat of his breath on my forehead.
“You’re back.”
“Yeah. You’re not mad at me?”
“No. Not mad.”
My throat is dry, and I scratch out my words. “We need to talk, Caleb.”
He grabs my hand and walks me up the stairs to his apartment. The light is dim, but as we approach the living room, I see he’s added a few candles, creating a soothing atmosphere.
He takes my coat and lays it over a chair before leading me to the couch. My hands clench in a ball, tension shooting pain down my wrist. I release my hands as we sit in silence, and I can feel his gaze on me. I look up and catch his eye. He’s patiently waiting for me to begin, and I feel frightened and grateful.
He’s letting me do this how I need to do it. Slow.
“Caleb, I’m sorry. I doubted you when you told me about the note from Cody and when I saw Laura come out of the shop. The truth is, I’ve been insecure about you, about us, and I let that be the reason I saw you as someone I couldn’t trust. You’ve been upfront with me all along, and I chose to ignore that, listening instead to the story in my head, which is a story of being left behind. Of not being good enough.”
“Zoe—”
“Please let me finish. I have work to do. On myself. And I am making a promise that I’m going to do that work. I don’t want to be in a relationship with you and doubt you. It’s not fair to you and quite miserable for me. But I can’t promise I’m going to be better overnight.”
