Page 69 of Drive Me Wild
Chapter Thirty-Three: Zoe
Idon’t know what I’m going to do when I get to Downsville, but I want to see my mom. I haven’t seen her since I left home, and only she can fill this hole in me.
I can’t compete with Laura. I can’t even compete with my thoughts of Laura or any other woman like her.
I blast music the whole drive home, trying to drown out my thoughts. My mind is like a thick soup, and I want it all to disappear.
When I pull in, my mom’s car is in the driveway, and I see her outside trimming the one nice bush in the yard. She waves when she sees me, drops her clippers, and rushes over to greet me.
When I open the door, she pulls me in for a hug, and it’s like I’m wrapped in a warm chocolate cookie. Perfect. Comforting. Sweet.
“I’ve missed you so much, sweetheart.”
“I’ve missed you too, mom.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? I would have made some food.”
“I didn’t know until I started driving.”
“Well, come inside and tell me how everything is going.”
We sit curled up together on the couch with peppermint tea, and I tell her everything about the bank, Caleb, and Laura. My mother listens intently, occasionally rubbing my knee under the blanket or brushing hair from my face.
This is what I needed: the comfort of home, the security of being with someone who would always be there for me, no matter what.
I’m glad I moved out to give her the space she needed for her own relationship to grow, but the ache in my chest from missing this is acute.
“What do you want to do about it? Want to come back home?”
“No, mom. I miss you, but I have to stand on my own. I’m a grown woman and need to move forward. I just don’t know what that means. Do I look for a business partner to buy the bookstore with me? Do I ask Mabel to sell me the business first and the house later? Do I move to Port Stratton and go to college? And what do I do about Caleb?”
“Zoe, I need you to listen to me. I made a mistake when I was raising you. I should have dated sooner so you can see what a relationship is like. I shouldn’t have shielded you from all that.”
“Is that what you were doing? Shielding me?”
“I had the same fears as you. And I let my fears control my life. When your father and I broke up…it was for the same reason that you are thinking of ending things with Caleb.”
“Wait,youbroke up withhim?”
“I was living in Alaska, working in a bar. And your father used to come in, and all the ladies loved him. He’d flirt with me relentlessly, but I never gave in. I didn’t want to be like all the other women I saw him with.”
“Then how’d you get together?”
“One night, I was working after my boyfriend had dumped me. And I was distraught. As usual, your father came in, but insteadof flirting and dancing the night away, he hung out at the bar and talked to me. Even stayed after closing while I was cleaning up and we kept talking.”
“And? I’m a grown-up mom. You don’t have to hide the details.”
“And nothing. He walked me to my car when I locked up and came back the next night. Same thing. Talked to me through my shift, stayed when I closed, and walked me to my car. This went on for two weeks. And every night, I watched him bat away the women.
So finally, when he walks me to my car, I lean in and kiss him. And I’m not sharing the next part with you, no matter how grown you are.”
“Why did you end it if he was so great?”
“Because of the other women. They never stopped flirting or trying to get their boy toy back. And I couldn’t take it. I was jealous and insecure and didn’t think I would be enough for him. So I broke it off with him. When he went out for the crab season, I packed my things and left.”
This is the first time in my life I’ve heard more than two words about my father. My body is trembling, and my voice is shaky. “Mom, does he know about me?”
“He knows I was pregnant when he left on the boat. But he doesn’t know that we ended up here. He doesn’t know anything. I wanted a clean break.”
