Page 65 of Drive Me Wild
“That’s exciting. Congrats!”
“What’s up with you? You’re missing your usual spark.”
“I’ve got spark.”
“Zoe, I’ve known you longer than I haven’t. Your spark is not sparking.”
“Fine.”
I drop my bag on the ground and lean against her car. “Yesterday at the race track, someone who Caleb used to um…have sex with confronted me.”
“What the fuck?”
“She just asked if I was his new girl, and then she said, “Don’t get too attached.” Like he’s not going to stick around, and when I pulled money out of his wallet, a note fell out talking about Saturday night. He told me it was from Cody, but I just don't know.”
“Don’t know what?”
“What if this is a mistake? What if I’m not going to be enough for him? The woman who confronted me was seriously hot.”
“You’re hot.”
“Thanks, but she was hot, hot. Like—”
“Zoe, you didn’t trick him into liking you. He chose you. Right?”
“Yeah.”
“Yesterday, you wanted me to root for the two of you, and today, you are doubting yourself. But the woman I saw yesterday morning was sure this was a good thing. Are you sure you aren’t just afraid of having what you want?”
“What do you mean?”
“I think it’s easier to convince yourself you don’t want something instead of admitting you are afraid of what it means to have it.”
“Ouch.”
“Look, this is who we are for each other, right? The truth-tellers?”
“Yeah.” I worry at my bottom lip.
“If there is one thing I’ve learned from my relationship with Cole, it’s that relationships require continued commitment. You have to keep choosing the relationship over and over. And sometimes that means facing the beliefs you have about yourself, which is scary. It’s easier to push someone away than to look in the mirror and say, ‘I’m insecure with myself.’ Do you know what I mean?”
“I think so.”
“You told me you’re insecure about performing in bed. Maybe this hot chick brought up that insecurity, and now you doubt the relationship itself. But it’s not the relationship. It’s you.”
“Again, ouch.”
Renée pulls me in for a hug. “I am going to believe in you and your relationship as long as you do. I’m on your side. But he didn’t do anything wrong. You have to choose to trust him until he gives you a solid reason not to.”
“Thanks.” I pull away from the hug. “Being with Cole is good for you.”
“I know.” Her eyes tear up for a moment. “He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. Oh, hey, we’re going out of town this weekend, so if you want to use the house for any reason, feel free. Just lock up when you’re gone since we won’t be around.”
“Oh, a weekend with no band practicing underneath me? That’s exciting!”
“Enjoy the break. We have some shows coming up that we have to practice a lot for. New songs and all.”
“Cool. Listen, I have to head out. I’m going to the bank today to ask for that loan.”
