Page 26 of Drive Me Wild
“Did it help?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t actually had sex since I took the class. I’m sort of waiting for the right guy.”
“What about you, Avery?”
“I don’t have any advice.” She picks at her nail polish.
“Why are you asking, Zoe?” Renée’s eyes are glassy from the alcohol, but I can tell she is super focused on me and my problem.
“I want to be better at sex. And I don’t know how to do that.”
“You have to find someone who you are comfortable with that can show you. Someone you feel safe enough to experiment with.”
Serena nods her head in agreement. Again, Avery says nothing.
“A teacher,” I say it more like a statement than a question.
“Yeah, like my ‘sex-pert.’ Only maybe not her because she’s so expensive, and it takes months to get an appointment. Those guys you played pool with are cute and still here. Try one of them,” Serena offers.
I glance over to where they are sitting, but my eyes catch sight of Caleb, and I let out a sigh. There’s no use thinking of anyone else when he’s around.
“Maybe this is really judgemental of me, but they don’t look like they know much.”
Renée nods. “No. You don’t need one of those boys. You need a man.”
There’s one hell of a man sitting twenty feet away. I’m sure he knows a thing or two.
Serena and Avery walk home together since they live a block apart. Renée and I took my car, but I didn’t feel sober enough to drive yet, so we decided to take a long walk through town. It’s a little chilly, but we huddle together under a blanket I keep in the back.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“You haven’t dated anyone for a couple of years. Is that why you were asking about the sex stuff tonight?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s like riding a horse.”
We both double over, laughing so hard we have to wipe the tears from our eyes, and I wonder if this walk is going to sober me up enough to drive.
“I mean a bike. It’s like riding a bike. Just gotta get back on.”
“It’s not because I’m out of practice. It’s because I’ve never been good at it. That’s why Jeremy cheated on me.”
The guy I lost my virginity to back in high school cheated on me after he repeatedly told me that I didn’t turn him on enough in bed. He said I wasn’t good at it and constantly criticized the way I did everything. I was embarrassed and didn’t tell anyone what he’d said—not even Renée. Then I avoided messing around at all because I was paranoid that even after watching a few pornos for guidance, I still sucked at it.
After I found out he cheated, I dated his cousin. But I was so afraid he’d be disappointed too that I told him I was waiting until marriage to have sex.
Then the idiot proposed.
I turned him down and haven’t dated anyone since. That was two years ago, and the more time passes, the more afraid I am that I won’t satisfy my husband and he’ll cheat. Or worse, that I’ll never find a husband in the first place because I suck so bad in the sack.
“Hey.” She turns toward me. “He cheated on you because he’s a cheater. Not because of how you were in bed.”
“He told me I didn’t turn him on.”
“It’s just an excuse for his shitty choices.”
